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> >>> > >>>Pillsbury Doughboy Obituary > >>>> > >>>> Veteran Pillsbury spokesman Pop N. Fresh died yesterday of a severe > >>>> yeast infection. He was 71. Known to friends as Brown-n-Serve, Fresh > >>>> was an avid gardener and tennis player. > >>>> > >>>> Fresh was buried in one of the largest funeral ceremonies in recent > >>>> years. Dozens of celebrities turned out including Mrs. Butterworth, > >>>> the California Raisins, Hungry Jack, Aunt Jemima, Betty Crocker, the > >>>> Hostess Twinkies, and Skippy. > >>>> > >>>> The grave side was piled high with flours as longtime friend Aunt > >>>> Jemima delivered the eulogy, describing Fresh as a man who > >>>> "never knew how much he was kneaded." > >>>> > >>>> Fresh rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled > >>>> with many turnovers. He was not considered a very smart cookie, > >>>> wasting much of his dough on half-baked schemes -- conned by > >>>> those who buttered him up. Still, even as a crusty old man, he was > >>>> a roll model for millions. > >>>> > >>>> Fresh is survived by his second wife. They have two children and > >>>> another bun in the oven. > >>>> > >>>> The funeral was held at 3:50 for about 20 minutes. > >>> > >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> > > >>>>> > >>> > >>>>>>>>> > >>> > >>>Every night Frank would go down to the liquor store, get a six pack, > >>>bring it > >>>home, and drink it while he watched TV. One night, as he finished his > >>>last > >>>beer, the doorbell rang. He stumbled to the door and found a six-foot > >>>cockroach standing there. The bug grabbed him by the collar and threw > >>>himacross the room, then left. > >>>-The next night, after he finished his 4th beer, the doorbell rang. He > >>>walked > >>>slowly to the door and found the same six-foot cockroach standing > >>>there. The > >>>big bug punched him in the stomach, then left. > >>>-The next night, after he finished his 1st beer, the doorbell rang > >>>again. > >>>The same six-foot cockroach was standing there. This time he was kneed > >>>in > >>>the groin and hit behind the ear as he doubled over in pain. Then the > >>>big > >>>bug left. > >>>-The fourth night Frank didn't drink at all. The doorbell rang. The > >>>cockroach was standing there. The bug nearly beat the life out of Frank > >>>and > >>>left him in a heap on the living room floor. > >>>-The following day, Frank went to see his doctor. He explained the > >>>events of > >>>the preceding four nights. "What can I do?" he pleaded. > >>>"Not much" the doctor replied. "There's just a nasty bug going around." > >>> > >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> > > >>>>> > >>> > >>>>>>>>>> > >>> > >>>A missionary who had spent years showing a tribe of natives how to farm > >>>and > >>>build things to be self-sufficient gets word that he is to return home. > >>>He > >>>realizes that the one thing he never taught the natives was how to speak > >>> > >>>English, so he takes the chief and starts walking in the forest. The > >>>missionary points to a tree and says to the chief, "This is a tree." > >>>The > >>>chief looks at the tree and grunts, "Tree." The missionary is pleased > >>>with > >>>the response. They walk a little farther and the padre points to a rock > >>>and > >>>says, "This is a rock." Hearing this, the chief looks and grunts, > >>>"Rock." The > >>>padre is really getting enthusiastic about the results when he hears a > >>>rustling in the bushes. As he peeks over the top, he sees a couple in > >>>the > >>>midst of heavy romantic activity. The padre is really flustered and > >>>quickly > >>>responds, "Riding a bike." The chief looks at the couple briefly, pulls > >>>out > >>>his blow gun and kills them. The padre goes ballistic and yells at the > >>>chief > >>>that he has spent years teaching the tribe how to be civilized and kind > >>>to > >>>each other, so how could he just kill these people in cold blood that > >>>way? > >>>>The chief replied, "My bike." > >>>