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hi all in light of discussions re disability benefits, retirement, et cetera and in light of the pd connection with cd in 50% of us and in light of our society's frequent confusion between self-esteem and selfishness i have found this helpful in the past and hope it might be relevant to my cyber-siblings now janet ------------------------------------ from "feeling good" by dr. david burns chapter 13 "your work is not your worth" ------------------------------------ a silent assumption that leads to anxiety and depression is "my worth as a human being is proportional to what i have achieved in my life" this attitude is at the core of western culture and the protestant work ethic it sounds innocent enough in fact it is self-defeating, grossly inaccurate, and malignant there are four valid paths to self-esteem the first is both pragmatic and philosophical essentially you must acknowledge that human "worth" is just an abstraction it doesn't exist therefore you cannot have it or fail to have it and it cannot be measured worth is not a thing it is just a global concept nor is it a useful and enhancing concept it is simply self-defeating it doesn't do you any good it only causes suffering and misery so rid yourself immediately of any claim to being 'worthy' and you'll never have to measure up again or fear being worthless "but i'm a humanistic or spiritual person" you might argue "i've always been taught that all human beings have worth and i just don't want to give up this concept" very well if you want to look at it this way i'll agree with you and this brings us to the second path to self-esteem acknowledge that everyone has one "unit of worth" from the time they are born until the time they die as an infant you may achieve very little and yet you are still precious and worthwhile when you are old or ill relaxed or asleep or just doing "nothing" you still have "worth" your "unit of worth" can't be measured amd can never change and it is the same for everyone during your lifetime you can enhance your happiness and satisfaction through productive living or you can act in a destructive manner and make yourself miserable but your "unit of worth" is always there along with your potential for self-esteem and joy since you can't measure it or change it there is no point in dealing with it or being concerned about it leave that up to god here is the third path to self-esteem recognize that there is only one way you can lose a sense of self-worth: by persecuting yourself with unreasonable illogical negative thoughts self-esteem can be defined as the state that exists when you are not arbitrarily haranguing and abusing yourself but choose to fight back against these automatic thoughts with meaningful rational responses when you do this effectively you will experience a natural sense of jubilation and self-endorsement essentially you don't have to get the river flowing you just have to avoid damming it here is the fourth solution self-esteem can be viewed as your decision to treat yourself like a beloved friend imagine that a vip you respect came suddenly to visit you one day how might you treat that person: you would wear your best clothes and offer your finest wine and food and you would do everything you could to make her feel comfortable and pleased with her visit you would be sure to let her know how highly you valued her and how honoured you were that she chose to spend some time with you now - why not treat yourself like that do it all the time if you can after all no matter how impressed you are with your favourite vip you are more important to you than she is so why not treat yourself at least as well would you insult and harangue a guest with vicious distorted put downs? would you peck away at her weaknesses and imperfections? then why do this to yourself? your self torment becomes pretty silly when you look at it this way do you have to earn the right to treat yourself in this loving caring way? no this attitude of self-esteem will be an assertion that you make based on a full awareness of your strengths and imperfections you will fully acknowledge your positive attributes without false humility or a sense of superiority you will freely admit to all your errors and inadequacies without any sense of inferiority or self-depreciation whatever this attitude embodies the essence of self love and self respect it does not have to be earned it cannot be earned in any way ------------------------------------ janet paterson 51-10 / sinemet-selegiline-prozac almonte-ontario-canada / [log in to unmask]