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janet wrote in response to greg: i don't believe that we have the capability of making anyone else feel any emotion i could give flowers / a hug / a salary increase to ten different people an= d get ten different responses based on their ten different filters in the same way that no one else can make us feel any emotion >And that may be narcissistic, but it certainly makes me >feel elated and worthy when in fact there is an exchange >or collaborative effort and two or more people can share >their worthiness and respect for caring enough in the first >place to elicit these emotions. i'm not denying the pleasure felt in helping or collaborating with others i just don't think it 'results' in an increase in true self-esteem or worth snip >Even as I write this I am feeling some pangs of unworthiness (worry). >They are derived from not wanting to overreact and make this personal. you are being thoughtful and considerate of others i.e. doing the work of pure and simple love by writing as you have your struggle is your success not my reaction to it your worth is not based on the 'successful' outcome of your struggle the facts of your concern and your effort and your worry to me reflect your inherent kindness [no preening allowed!] >It is towards my feelings, but doesn't that make the world >a better place. We should never be a perfectionist in regards >to ourselves, because that is unrealistic totally and absolutely completely we are human the only way humans learn is by making mistakes *************** Janet and Greg et al, the first sentence i quoted above is not accurate as to my belief; nor to either of you in my opinion. perhaps one cannot evoke the emotion in another that one may wish to find, but there is much content in the words: seeing is believing, but feeling is truth one emotes some emotional state - albeit invalidly represented by a masked face the communicating is uninfluenced by any visual cues in this medium of cyberspace, of course each of us interprets the characteristics of the writer by multiple clues that are unique to him or her (the reader) these cumulate into one's psychic response - provide the 'feel' about the cmmunicator this emotional response phenomenon can be studied - if one wishes to make a certain impression, it can be learned (with some mistakes probably) cognition and perception skills are involved in how one can affect another david burns is the best writer about this that i have encountered several psychiatrists and psychologists have influenced me in person as wel= l as via my reading. their skills are unique in some sense but many of the methods and techniques are widely practiced. Everything they do professionally is for the purpose of influencing emotion and emotional response in their customers. If they fail to elicit a positive response in the first encounter, they often fail to help that patient. If they lose their 'cool', they would be prudent to pass the client onto another practitioner. the clinically depressed are not likely to join this list, but much of the threads contain attitude, spunk, positive-ness, caring skills learning and emoting - being friendly - loving - feeling good and choosing to live and t= o have a good mood one's psyche is formed - some are well-formed - some mis-informed - then, changes until death our emotional response is tempered by our beliefs - if the beliefs are distorted, the psyche will be 'unhealthy'. but little is permanently fixed or rigid - perhaps the accurate label for reality is that changing is the permanent state. one improves or loses ground in living well - happily - despite the trials that chance (or our low competence in controlling our destiny) bring to eac= h Don practices smiling to elicit a good response (this is prime behaviour we have learned - to be friendly) most write to elicit a laugh or to help answer a query or to relate an emotive story that is expected to teach something useful or beautiful or beneficial in some way hope this is of some benefit - and detrimental to no one ron Ronald Vetter 1936, dz PD 1984, carbidopa/levodopa, Mirapex, selegiline [log in to unmask] Ridgecrest, California http://www.ridgecrest.ca.us/~rfvetter