Barb P...
I've started replies to your original post over a dozen times in
the past couple of days and ended up trashing them all
because the THOUGHT of suicide is like an old friend who
occasionally drops by for a visit, but the ACT of suicide itself
is anathema to me.
I'm sad for Bev - sad that the only way she could retain any
shred of control over her life was to end it. I'm sad for
her family and friends because they're left with the
ever-present pain of her passing.
And I'm REALLY sad for a "system" that's lost sight of
the individual who's suffering so, whether thru indifference
or economics, and just keeps on spinning along as tho
nothing had happened, unaware of the void of that person's
passing.
Please God, Bev will at last rest in peace. I pray that her
husband recovers from the ravages of his disease and the
painful act of his wife's passage.
And if the "system" doesn't care, WE certainly do! It's up
to US to see that hope for a cure is kept alive and that the
"system" is NEVER permitted to forget that we're here.
We ARE here and we *ARE* visible. And Bev should have
been visible, too.
Barb Mallut
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From: Parkinson's Information Exchange on behalf of Barbara Patterson
Sent: Saturday, April 04, 1998 6:09 PM
To: Multiple recipients of list PARKINSN
Subject: Thank you all
Again, this group of people has responded amazingly to a request for
help. Within 15 minutes from the time I posted my request for help for
"B", the first of about 40 messages arrived. Many of them from people
who had been where "B" was...in despair.
The messages were powerful, open, caring and full of support and
prayers. What a truly wonderful group of people you are.
On Friday, "A" came to pick up the messages which I had printed for "B".
On Friday evening, "A" phoned to tell me that "B", Bev, had walked out of
the hospital at 10:00 am and hadn't been seen since. The police were
called and searched for her. The local newspaper published her photo and
asked for help in locating her. A private helicopter joined the search
until it was called off because of darkness. "A" joined the search this
morning at 8:00 am and heard that Bev's body had been found washed up on the
beach near the hospital.
So, we lost. We all lost. But mostly her husband and her family and
friends and Bev, herself. She was 56 and had recently retired from
teaching school because of Parkinson's. Her husband had retired from his
position as mayor of the city of Burlington, Ontario (near where I live)
because of leukemia.... now, he'll face his battle with leukemia alone
with the added burdens of grief and guilt.
Besides being saddened by the loss of Bev, I'm angry. Really angry. I'm
angry at Parkinson's for taking the joy out of her life. I'm angry at
the hospital for not keeping her safe. I'm angry at a health care system
that has been cut back to the bare bones and beyond to the point where it
was absolutely useless to Bev. And I'm angry at Bev for not realizing
the pain she would cause by taking the ultimate selfish step of taking
her own life.
What's next? What would be the most useful or effective thing to do?
Work towards publicizing the horrors of clinical depression? Work
towards improving the health care system? Supporting each other when cd
strikes (or does it just insiduously sneak into our brains?)?
Or vow that we will NEVER, NEVER hurt our families and friends by taking
ourselves away from them and making them suffer for the rest of their lives?
Again, thank you to the wonderful people who tried to help.
Barb
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Barbara Patterson [log in to unmask]
HSC 2J22 905-525-9140, ext. 22403
School of Nursing
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