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Here's another from my cousin. Hope you enjoy.
Bonnie
In a message dated 98-04-04 17:10:53 EST, [log in to unmask] writes:
>
> > TEXAS RULES OF ETIQUETTE
> >
> > PERSONAL HYGIENE
> >
> > 1. While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this is a job that should
> be
> > done in private using one's OWN truck keys.
> >
> > 2. Proper use of toiletries can forestall bathing for several days.
> However,
> > if you live alone, deodorant is a waste of good money.
> >
> > 3. Dirt and grease under the fingernails is a social no-no, as they
> tend to
> > detract from a woman's jewelry and alter the tastes of finger foods.
> >
> > DINING OUT
> >
> > 1. When decanting wine, make sure that you tilt the paper cup, and pour
> > slowly so as not to "bruise" the fruit of the vine.
> >
> > 2. If drinking directly from the bottle, always hold it with your
> fingers
> > covering the label.
> >
> > ENTERTAINING IN YOUR HOME
> >
> > 1. A centerpiece for the table should never be anything prepared by a
> > taxidermist.
> >
> > 2. Do not allow the dog to eat at the table...no matter how good his
> manners
> > are.
> >
> > DATING (Outside the Family)
> >
> > 1. Always offer to bait your date's hook, especially on the first date.
> >
> > 2. Establish with her parents what time she is expected back. Some
> will say
> > 10:00 PM; Others might say "Monday." If the latter is the answer, it is
> the
> > man's responsibility to get her to school on time.
> >
> > THEATER ETIQUETTE
> >
> > 1. Crying babies should be taken to the lobby and picked up immediately
> > after the movie has ended.
> >
> > 2. Refrain from talking to characters on the screen. Tests have proven
> they
> > can't hear you.
> >
> > WEDDINGS
> >
> > 1. Livestock, usually, is a poor choice for a wedding gift.
> >
> > 2. Kissing the bride for more than 5 seconds may get you shot.
> >
> > 3. For the groom, at least, rent a tux. A leisure suit with a
> cummerbund and
> > a clean bowling shirt can create a tacky appearance.
> >
> > 4. Though uncomfortable, say "yes" to socks and shoes for this special
> occasion.
> >
> > DRIVING ETIQUETTE
> >
> > 1. Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles; Even if the gun is
> loaded,
> > and the deer is in sight.
> >
> > 2. When approaching a four-way stop, the vehicle with the largest tires
> > always has the right of way.
> >
> > 3. Never tow another car using pantyhose and duct tape.
> >
> > 4. When sending your wife down the road with a gas can, it is impolite
> to
> > ask her to bring back beer.
> >
> > 5. Never relieve yourself from a moving vehicle, especially when
> driving.
> >
> > 6. Do not lay rubber while traveling in a funeral procession.
> >
> > TIPS FOR ALL OCCASIONS
> >
> > 1. Never take a beer to a job interview.
> >
> > 2. Always identify people in your yard before shooting at them.
> >
> > 3. It's considered tacky to take a cooler to church.
> >
> > 4. If you have to vacuum the bed, it is time to change the sheets.
> >
> > 5. Even if you're certain that you are included in the will, it is
> still
> > considered tacky to drive a U-Haul to the funeral home.
>
>
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[log in to unmask], [log in to unmask], [log in to unmask]
Subject: TEXAS RULES OF ETIQUETTE]
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Date: Sat, 04 Apr 1998 17:10:30 EST
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> TEXAS RULES OF ETIQUETTE
>
> PERSONAL HYGIENE
>
> 1. While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this is a job that should
be
> done in private using one's OWN truck keys.
>
> 2. Proper use of toiletries can forestall bathing for several days.
However,
> if you live alone, deodorant is a waste of good money.
>
> 3. Dirt and grease under the fingernails is a social no-no, as they
tend to
> detract from a woman's jewelry and alter the tastes of finger foods.
>
> DINING OUT
>
> 1. When decanting wine, make sure that you tilt the paper cup, and pour
> slowly so as not to "bruise" the fruit of the vine.
>
> 2. If drinking directly from the bottle, always hold it with your
fingers
> covering the label.
>
> ENTERTAINING IN YOUR HOME
>
> 1. A centerpiece for the table should never be anything prepared by a
> taxidermist.
>
> 2. Do not allow the dog to eat at the table...no matter how good his
manners
> are.
>
> DATING (Outside the Family)
>
> 1. Always offer to bait your date's hook, especially on the first date.
>
> 2. Establish with her parents what time she is expected back. Some
will say
> 10:00 PM; Others might say "Monday." If the latter is the answer, it is
the
> man's responsibility to get her to school on time.
>
> THEATER ETIQUETTE
>
> 1. Crying babies should be taken to the lobby and picked up immediately
> after the movie has ended.
>
> 2. Refrain from talking to characters on the screen. Tests have proven
they
> can't hear you.
>
> WEDDINGS
>
> 1. Livestock, usually, is a poor choice for a wedding gift.
>
> 2. Kissing the bride for more than 5 seconds may get you shot.
>
> 3. For the groom, at least, rent a tux. A leisure suit with a
cummerbund and
> a clean bowling shirt can create a tacky appearance.
>
> 4. Though uncomfortable, say "yes" to socks and shoes for this special
occasion.
>
> DRIVING ETIQUETTE
>
> 1. Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles; Even if the gun is
loaded,
> and the deer is in sight.
>
> 2. When approaching a four-way stop, the vehicle with the largest tires
> always has the right of way.
>
> 3. Never tow another car using pantyhose and duct tape.
>
> 4. When sending your wife down the road with a gas can, it is impolite
to
> ask her to bring back beer.
>
> 5. Never relieve yourself from a moving vehicle, especially when
driving.
>
> 6. Do not lay rubber while traveling in a funeral procession.
>
> TIPS FOR ALL OCCASIONS
>
> 1. Never take a beer to a job interview.
>
> 2. Always identify people in your yard before shooting at them.
>
> 3. It's considered tacky to take a cooler to church.
>
> 4. If you have to vacuum the bed, it is time to change the sheets.
>
> 5. Even if you're certain that you are included in the will, it is
still
> considered tacky to drive a U-Haul to the funeral home.
--------- End forwarded message ----------
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