"You Know You're A Mom When..."
1. You count the sprinkles on each kid's cupcake to make
sure they're equal.
2. You want to take out a contract on the kid who broke
your child's favorite toy and made him/her cry.
3. You have time to shave only one leg at a time.
4. You hide in the bathroom to be alone.
5. You child throws up, and you catch it.
6. Someone else's kid throws up at a party, and you keep
eating.
7. You consider finger paint to be a controlled substance.
8. You mastered the art of placing large quanitities of
pancakes and eggs on a plate without anything touching.
9. Your child insists that you read Once Upon a Potty out
loud in the lobby of the doctor's office, or, better yet,
in the lobby of a Grand Central Station... and you do it.
10. You hire a sitter because you haven't been out with
your husband in ages, then spend half the night talking
about and checking on the kids.
11. You hope ketchup is a vegetable because it's the only
one your child eats.
12. You cling to the high moral ground on toy weapons,
while your child chews his toast into the shape of a gun.
13. You can't bear the thought of your son's first girlfriend.
14. You hate the thought of his wife even more.
15. You donate to charities in the hope that your child
won't get that disease.
16. You find yourself cutting your husband's sandwiches
into unusual shapes.
17. You fast-forward through the scene when the hunter
shoots Bambi's mother.
18. You use your own saliva to clean your child's face.
19. You obsess when your child clings to you upon parting
during his first month at school, then obsess when he
skips in without looking back the second time.
20. You can't bear to give away baby clothes--it's so final.
21. You hear your mother's voice coming out of your mouth
when you say, "Not in your good clothes!"
22. You stop criticizing the way your mother raised you.
23. You read that the average five-year-old asks 437 questions
a day and feel proud that your kid is above average.
24. You say at least once a day, I'm not cut out for this job,
but you know you wouldn't trade it for anything in the world.
25. You let her call the shots and decide when the time is right.
Thank you Moms,
Gail Vass
