Dear Dale-- that is a sticky matter, even if you are good friends. It
sounds as if you are dealing with a marital relationship pattern of
long-standing, which the wife herself has accepted and may not feel able to
change!
Is the man aware at all that he may not be using the best judgement in
this? It might be the best approach would be through the wife's doctor, if
she is able to talk to the doc about how upset she is, and the problems the
move etc. will present for her. A doc who knows BOTH of them might pick up
on any limitations in his thinking, etc., that may be present. You would be
on target to suggest counseling, but if he is resistant, the wife could go
alone, and that might be helpful to her.Not the ideal way to do it, but
better than nothing!
Perhaps you could just raise questions with him--playing it really
dimb--like, "well, what does "Mary" think of that?" or "can you remodel
the house so you don't have to go through the hassle of moving?" , etc.
Also, do you knoe if they have children who could be helpful?
Ideally, the wife should be assertive and convince him of the problems his
ideas present...but again, she may need an advocate to speak for her. Your
thought of speaking on behalf of her as a CG on whom he depends might work,
and only you can judge, as you know him. Good luck--and thanks for
caring---
SNIPPED.
>
>The problem is that he has put their house of 40 years up on the market
>for sale. The care giver wife is devastated with the thought of leaving
>her house of 40 years and moving away. The Caregiver was on the phone
>crying for an hour over this turn of events.
>
>The question is do I undertake to advise him of his wife's concerns and
>try to impress upon him that we have to take care of the caregivers so
>they can take care of us? He has always been the dominant one in the
>relationship and would never consent to speaking to a counselor and I
>almost think it is past his ability to appreciate the problem he is
>causing even if I explain it to him.
>
>I would welcome any thoughts or similar experiences dealing with this problem.
>I am picking him up tomorrow and taking him to breakfast which I do once a
>month to give me an opportunity to talk to him if appropriate
>
>Thanks in advance
>[log in to unmask]
Camilla Flintermann, CG for Peter, 80/9 <[log in to unmask]>
http://www.newcountry.nu/pd/members/camilla/one.htm My Home Page
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