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Jerry, I am amazed at the quality of people on this list. You are a tremendous father and you truly care about life; live your dream in spite of your disease; are always there for others. There is nothing else in life but to evolve through experience and adjust. A lot of us PWPS wouldn't have looked at others first despite angina and the harness that restricts us physically and tires us emotionally. We try to get up refreshed from that 4-5 hours a sleep we may get a night. Some days it can't happen. So, we fight a little lighter that day. Maybe we talk with the horses. Just watch the sunrise. Jerry, the point I'm always trying to make about misplaced priorities, well the truth is I have em too. I call myself the "great acquiescer", because I am so worried about others, I don't do the mimimum for myself. I end up tired and stressed, because I don't like to reject others requests. Maybe you just need to say, two days a week I will devote less time to the liste. Jerry, will you do me a favor? I knew you would. Thanks, From all of us wanting and you always giving! Jerry Finch wrote: > Don -- > I hope a lot of folks have told you how wonderful you are, > because you are. Like most of us PWP, I fight the same > battles as you every single day. As much as I love my wife, > when I listen to the logic of her "slow down" arguements my > instant reaction is to double my efforts to do something. > Often she doesn't say anything when, halfway through a > project, she has to retrieve me, bring me inside, give me my > meds and put me to bed. She knows she's right but I don't > and the last thing I'll do in this world is admit defeat to > PD. > > There's a piece I wrote sometime ago: > http://www.newcountry.nu/pd/satmorn.htm > about giving up and giving in. Cathi is grown now, married > with a child, moved away from home. God gave me those three > years, just like I asked. But I didn't keep my part of the > agreement. I still climb on the tractor and mow a couple of > acres, still wander out in the pasture to check fence lines, > still try to climb to the top of the windmill to oil the > gearbox. > > I suffer because of my hardheaded ways, suffer by shaking > and hurting and ending up in all sorts of predicaments, but > I also gain, too. I gain because I know I tried, because I > refuse to allow PD to dictate my future, because I will not > go willingly down PD's path to silence. "The Wanting," as I > call it, is what keeps me alive. Wisdom in this case is not > a virtue, what a wiser person would do is not what I chose. > > And at the hour of sunset, when I'm feeding the horses and > slowly walking back (stumbling) to the house, I might hurt > in every PD worn muscle I have but there is one place where > PD will never get - into my spirit. In there I am deeply > happy. I did what I wanted to do, I lived as I wanted to > live. > > Keep fighting, Don. There are probably a lot of folks who > disagree, who would rather we "be logical about our > limitations" and "realize the extent of our physical > problems." High-flying talk for giving up. Let's make a deal > - let's not listen to them. We only have one chance at this > life, let's enjoy it to the fullest. You ride that tractor > and drink your java, I'll ride my horse and sing country > songs out there where no one can listen and if anyone says > anything about it, let's just grin. It'll drive them up the > wall. > > -- > Jerry Finch > The Official PWP Dumpster Gang Hideout > http://www.newcountry.nu/pd/ > The PWP WebRing > http://www.webring.org/cgi-bin/webring?ring=parkie;list