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At 09:23 26-6-98 -0400, you wrote: >It's the "should' word that triggers it. A sort of tingling down my spine, >a stiffness in my neck that has nothing to do with Parkinson's. Usually the >should word is preceded by "Ithinkyou". >As I wind down this Parkinson's path, I am frequently met by those who want >to help me. This is a good thing. Better than the alternative. From my >dear students, and as well, from some of my teaching colleagues, I learn >that People with Parkinson's are the "nicest people", the "dearest >grandparent", the "favorite aunt". My immediate surface response is warm >and cordial. (It usually is. Not from any training I was given in good >manners, but rather from a stunned "what do I do with this?" reaction that >lies beneath my disembling brain cells.) >One thing my Parkinson's presence is doing for my friends and working >buddies is >asking that they look at their own helplessness as I deal with mine. It's >not an eternal state. I am slowly finding that if I actually sit down (or >rather lie down as Yeats says: "We must lie down where all the ladders >start/In the foul rag and bone room of the heart.") that in fact I do have >resources, emotional, creative, psychological, that I can activate to >challenge my feelings of helplessness. >But for those who can't take or make the time to sit there and feel that >initial despair, it seems that doling out unsolicited advice gets them >momentarily off the hook: (even when it comes from the RN who has been >working forever with Parkinson's patients.) "Barb, I think you should just >forget you have Parkinson's and get on with your life." >If this "advice " had been given to me at any time during the intitial >stages of the diagnosis, I would not have been warm and cordial. Instead it >came at a time when I could, in my own defense, smirk and say to myself, >"This one's for the book." >When I dig into my tingling spine and see just what it is that is so >offensive to me about unsolicited advice, I find it summarised in a >statement that goes something like this: "Barb you are such a bonehead that >you couldn't possibly figure out for yourself what to do in this situation >so let me tell you. Ithinkyoushould......" >Barb Rager Barb This unsolliceted advice is in fact not an avdvice at all. It is an insult . IF you are able to go on with your life, just the same way as you did, you are not really deseased If one is healthy, but has one minor complaint for example a light alergy, which causes in some situations a running nose and that perrson is much fussing about this, than it might be an advice that makes sense. If someone is giving that advice, he\she is saying in fact that Parkinson is not that serious and that the biggest part of the trouble is that you're fussing to much and that is rather insulting. It is worse, cause it makes you powerless to answer it straight. Because every answer in which you stress that the it is not as easy as that will be perceived as the same fussing. Ida -------------------------------------------------------------- Vriendelijke Groeten / Kind regards, Ida Kamphuis mailto: [log in to unmask]