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hi jacob: you wrote, in part: >This may sound a bit strange to most of you, >but take this from one who has seen both sides of agony... >I had suffered from a terrible, odd kind of depression >for three years up to the attempted suicide at the age of eighteen... >It may not be what some of you expect or even want to hear, >but severe P.D. is a flesh wound, a mere scratch, >compared to the f***ing agony that was caused by the >emotional instability that I went through ... i can relate to your comparison, jacob at the risk of repetitive redundancy, i will re-state part of my post called 'perceptions': ----- since october 1995 when i was privileged to join this ethereal family i have: posted daily at times posted infrequently at times lurked for months at a stretch all depending on my own circumstances and my own energy levels i deal with parkinson's disease [pd] as well as with clinical depression [cd] and at times, i think cd is the harder battle when my thinking is bright and clear my sense of self is strong my sense of humour is at its goofiest my inherent natural joy in life is in top form and my tolerance for the actions of others is at its most generous when i am caught in the Grey Cloud [GC] of Clinical Depression [CD] or other Similarly Laden Internalized Modes of Expression [SLIME!] my thinking becomes consistently negative my sense of self is muddied the joy in life doesn't exist [and never did, and never will return] there is little in this wide world and dark to laugh at and there are very few people out there [a] who are worth my attention and [b] who would ever feel i was worthy of their attention. this kind of murky thinking grows slowly and insidiously and feeds on itself in a slippery downward spiral ----- i keep 'harping' on the subject of clinical depression because my heart goes out to anyone struggling with it, and because as an illness it suffers from "visibility" problems similar to pd, and because of the apparent chemical relationship it has with pd [i.e. somewhere between 40 to 60 % of all of us parkies have cd too] while there is some leeway for a technical discussion as to whether pd can accurately be labelled a direct cause of death there is no such leeway when it comes to cd clinical depression is nothing to be ashamed of, no more than heart disease is, but if it goes undiagnosed it can be just as deadly i inhabit a 'body-bag' [!] full of miraculous chemicals which sometimes need fine-tuning; simple with love from your cyber-sibling janet janet paterson 51/10 - endocarb/selegiline/fluoxetine - [log in to unmask] a new voice: http://www.newcountry.nu/pd/members/janet/index.htm