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I would never have made it in the field of medicine.. BBA > The following are excerpts from various American medical > journals.......prepare yourself, they are pretty amazing (But > all are True) > You have been warned!!!! > > INNER SKELETON > > A 63 year old widow was admitted to hospital in Recife, > Brazil, suffering abdominal pains. X-rays showed that she was > carrying a 20 inch long skeleton of a fetus which she > conceived a decade earlier. It had become lodged outside the > womb and was never expelled from her body. > > > > FEMALE SOFA > A 500 lb. woman from Illinois was examined in the hospital. > During the examination, an asthma inhaler fell from under > her armpit, a dime was found under one of her breasts, > and a remote control was found lodged between the > folds of her vulva. > > > > OUCH! > > A couple hobbled into a Washington emergency room covered in > blood restaurant towels. The man had his around his waist, and > the woman had hers around her head. They eventually explained to > doctors that they had gone out that evening for a romantic > dinner. Overcome with passion, the woman crept under the table to > administer oral sex to the man. While in the act, she had an > epileptic fit, which caused her to clamp down on the > man's member and wrench it from side to side. In agony and > desperation, the man grabbed a fork and stabbed her in the > head until she let go. > > > > BABY CHICKEN > > A 50 year old woman was brought into a New York emergency room > complaining of abdominal pains. During an examination, > doctors found that the woman's labia were > pinned together with old safety pins. Further inside, they > found the dismembered body of a chicken. The woman > explained that she inserted the chicken pieces, convinced that > they would grow into a baby. > > > > SEX EDUCATION > > A Californian doctor examining a young woman with abdominal > pains asked her if she was sexually active. She said that she > wasn't. A later examination showed that she was pregnant. Asked why > she said that she was not sexually active, the woman replied > "I'm not, I just lie there." When asked if she knew who the > father was, with a puzzled look she replied, "No. Who?" > > > > BLIND DRUNK > > A drunk staggered into a Pennsylvania ER complaining of severe > pain while trying to remove his contact lenses. He said that > they would come out halfway, but they always popped back in. > A nurse tried to help using a suction pump, but without success. > Finally, > a doctor examined him and discovered that the man did not have his > contact > lenses in at all. He had been trying to rip out the membrane of his > cornea. > > > > GROWING SEASON > > An old woman in a North Carolina ER complained of green vines > growing from her vagina. Investigation revealed a large potato > trapped in her womb. The woman then suddenly remembered > that she had inserted it two weeks previously, because she > thought that her uterus was falling out. > > > > PRICKLY PAIR > > In Michigan, a man came into the ER with lacerations to his > penis. He complained that his wife had "a rat in her pussy" and > it bit him during sex. After an examination of his wife, if was > revealed that she had a surgical needle left inside her after a > recent > hysterectomy. > > > > LAST STAND > > A Cambridge man hobbled into the ER complaining of a permanent > erection. He admitted to doctors that while on holiday in Cuba, > he frequented many brothels, and in one he was given some erectile > cream to keep him hard. He was told to use it sparingly. > However, since he was having so much fun, he kept using more > and more. By the time he came to the ER, all the blood > vessels in his penis were swollen and his testicles had > ballooned in size. Doctors could do nothing except prescribe pain > killers, > and told him that it would return to flaccidity in a few days. > They also told him to enjoy his erection while > it lasted, because it was going to be his last. > > > > JUICY LUCY > > In Kentucky, a woman complained of a purple discharge from her > vagina. She thought it might have something to do with the > diaphragm that her doctor had recently given her. "I followed > all the instructions to the letter," > she told her doctor, "and used it with the jelly." When asked > which kind of jelly she had used, she replied "Grape." > > > > BRUSH AFTER MEALS > > A very hygienic patient was being treated by two nurses for > a burst vein in his stomach. While changing the dressing, one > of the nurses screamed. They saw maggots crawling down the man's > chest. > They had been breeding between his teeth, and smelling the > open wound, decided to feed further down his body. > > > > CALL THE BUM SQUAD! > > A World War II veteran came into a London clinic with a > hemorrhoid problem. One painful pile would often hang > down from the man's anus and he was in the habit of pushing > it back up with an artillery shell. On this occasion, > the shell got stuck. Doctors were going to remove it but the > man told them the shell was still live. So the hospital called > in the army bomb disposal squad, who built a lead box around > the man's anus to defuse the shell so it could be removed. > > > > KLINGONS AROUND URANUS > > A 20 year old man came to the ER with a stony mass in his > rectum. He said that he and his boyfriend were fooling > around with concrete mix, when his boyfriend had the idea > of pouring the mix into his anus using a funnel. The > concrete then hardened, causing constipation and pain. Under > general anaesthesia, a perfect concrete cast of the man's rectum > was removed........................along with a stray Ping-Pong ball. > > > > ********************************************************************** > ************* > Bear Stearns is not responsible for any recommendation, solicitation, > offer or > agreement or any information about any transaction, customer account > or account > activity contained in this communication. > ********************************************************************** > ************* > > >