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hi jeff you wrote in part: >...The anti-depressant is now working 100% >so the chemical imbalance that is CD has now been corrected. >...I am slowly replacing self-destructive paradigms >closely held for many years. These are paradigms that >affected my self worth and my ability to socialize with others. well, well, well, ain't it grand what a little chemistry can do! my dear jeff, you have presented living and vibrant proof to us that clinical depression is a chemical imbalance and not a 'mental disorder' and that no-one need feel that they themselves are 'to blame' or 'weak-willed' for sinking into the slimey emotional mud hole of clinical depression this picky person hopes that you mean 'self-esteem' and not 'self-worth' here; my perception of 'self-esteem' is that it is the way we regard or care for or love ourselves [our regard = our perception = subject to distortion] and my perception of 'self-worth' is that it is a given aka a gift aka inherent aka intrinsic aka non-negotiable aka 'i was like this when i got here' aka 'i may do lousy things, but i myself am not a lousy person' >In the midst of the climb out of the morass of CD, >I started looking at me. >This was something that I had not done in the past >because I didn't like what I saw. >I knew that something had to change >and the only thing I could possibly change was me >so I looked. I began to discover things inherently me and, >amazingly enough, began to like what I saw. >I spent much time dwelling on these things >because the mind can only think of one thing at a time >and if I filled it with things good and pure, things >negative and destructive had no place to rest. >This was a difficult process >but I knew that the expected result was worth the effort. > >Today, I am no longer dealing with a chemical imbalance. thanks to pharmaceutical advances! some people think that there is something inherently 'weak' or 'dependent' about taking any medications of any kind but as i see it, that's just another distorted thought [part of the perfectionistic school] with cd they might think it's something they can 'grow out of' something they won't need once they are 'strong enough' that may or may not be true of any of us if you've had cd all your life [as i believe that i have] your chemistry may be permanently altered [like a diabetic] or maybe not >... I began exercising... >... now wear a size 34 pant rather than the size 38 I was wearing... >... have no problem riding 50 to 60 miles. >... I started yoga classes... >... I've begun to take violin lessons... >... I don't need to see my therapist regularly any longer. we can enjoy, relish, take humble pride [?] in, even delightedly flaunt, those things in us that we perceive as 'strengths' but that doesn't mean that those things in us that we perceive as 'weaknesses' are to be dismissed, hidden, 'corrected' or otherwise dispensed with i am starting to learn to 'accept' [in the most welcoming, open, generous, tender sense of the word] both my strengths and my weaknesses as shadings of me as gifts given to me as part of this grand lesson they are both aspects of the same miracle which is life >The bottom line is that CD is eminently treatable and anyone >... suffering from this very insidious disease can get help. jeff, would you mind sharing a bit more of the process you went through to get from your first message to this one? e.g. how long have you been on medication? did you have any side effects from the meds? how often did/do you see your therapist? how did you locate him/her? perceiving cd's existence may be difficult examining its causes may be both excruciating and enlightening but as the light at the end of the tunnel nears i dis-cover me with love janet a new voice: http://www.newcountry.nu/pd/members/janet/index.htm 51/10 - endocarb/selegiline/fluoxetine - [log in to unmask] janet paterson