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Janet: I have depression that has been overwhelming at times, especially since I also have PD. I finally put myself in the hospital about a month ago. After that, I attended a day-hospital program in a group setting - an effective support group! I'm taking Pacil and have had only one side effect - my eyes get tired at times and I have a problem with eyes closing for no apparent reason and I am unable to open them. This may have something to do with my other meds (Sinemet, Florinef, Zyprexa, and Ranitidine). I think I might be over medicated. Will see my doc this Friday. Will be seeing my doc in Boston next week as a follow-up after 2 palidotomies, which have been quite successful. ---------- >From: Janet Paterson <[log in to unmask]> >To: Multiple recipients of list PARKINSN <[log in to unmask]> >Subject: Re: CD Follow up >Date: Wed, Jul 8, 1998, 3:36 PM > >hi jeff > >you wrote in part: >>...The anti-depressant is now working 100% >>so the chemical imbalance that is CD has now been corrected. >>...I am slowly replacing self-destructive paradigms >>closely held for many years. These are paradigms that >>affected my self worth and my ability to socialize with others. > >well, well, well, ain't it grand what a little chemistry can do! > >my dear jeff, you have presented living and vibrant proof to us >that clinical depression is a chemical imbalance >and not a 'mental disorder' > >and that no-one need feel >that they themselves are 'to blame' or 'weak-willed' >for sinking into the slimey emotional mud hole of clinical depression > >this picky person hopes >that you mean 'self-esteem' and not 'self-worth' here; > >my perception of 'self-esteem' is that it is >the way we regard or care for or love ourselves >[our regard = our perception = subject to distortion] >and >my perception of 'self-worth' is that it is >a given >aka a gift >aka inherent >aka intrinsic >aka non-negotiable >aka 'i was like this when i got here' >aka 'i may do lousy things, but i myself am not a lousy person' > >>In the midst of the climb out of the morass of CD, >>I started looking at me. >>This was something that I had not done in the past >>because I didn't like what I saw. >>I knew that something had to change >>and the only thing I could possibly change was me >>so I looked. I began to discover things inherently me and, >>amazingly enough, began to like what I saw. >>I spent much time dwelling on these things >>because the mind can only think of one thing at a time >>and if I filled it with things good and pure, things >>negative and destructive had no place to rest. >>This was a difficult process >>but I knew that the expected result was worth the effort. >> >>Today, I am no longer dealing with a chemical imbalance. > >thanks to pharmaceutical advances! > >some people think that >there is something inherently >'weak' or 'dependent' about taking any medications of any kind >but as i see it, that's just another distorted thought >[part of the perfectionistic school] >with cd they might think it's something they can 'grow out of' >something they won't need once they are 'strong enough' > >that may or may not be true of any of us > >if you've had cd all your life [as i believe that i have] >your chemistry may be permanently altered [like a diabetic] >or maybe not > >>... I began exercising... >>... now wear a size 34 pant rather than the size 38 I was wearing... >>... have no problem riding 50 to 60 miles. >>... I started yoga classes... >>... I've begun to take violin lessons... >>... I don't need to see my therapist regularly any longer. > >we can enjoy, relish, take humble pride [?] in, even delightedly flaunt, >those things in us that we perceive as 'strengths' >but that doesn't mean that >those things in us that we perceive as 'weaknesses' >are to be dismissed, hidden, 'corrected' or otherwise dispensed with > >i am starting to learn to 'accept' >[in the most welcoming, open, generous, tender sense of the word] >both my strengths and my weaknesses as shadings of me >as gifts given to me as part of this grand lesson >they are both aspects of the same miracle >which is >life > >>The bottom line is that CD is eminently treatable and anyone >>... suffering from this very insidious disease can get help. > >jeff, would you mind sharing a bit more of the process you went through >to get from your first message to this one? > >e.g. >how long have you been on medication? >did you have any side effects from the meds? >how often did/do you see your therapist? >how did you locate him/her? > >perceiving cd's existence may be difficult >examining its causes may be both excruciating and enlightening >but as the light at the end of the tunnel nears >i dis-cover >me > > >with love > >janet > > >a new voice: http://www.newcountry.nu/pd/members/janet/index.htm >51/10 - endocarb/selegiline/fluoxetine - [log in to unmask] >janet paterson