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hi all i have had several conversations with cyber-siblings in re clinical depression [cd] recently. i've included parts of one below; i think it is important to share the details of the process involved in turning cd around while mulling about our miraculous list-family and the commune-ication it provides i started doing some math: assuming that all on-line cyber-siblings are pwp or parkies = 1600 assuming that 50% of them are male = 800 assuming that 50% of them have cd = 400 assuming that 10% of them [men! hah!] are getting treatment for cd = 40 which leaves an assumed number of 360 members of our list-family who may be struggling alone with 'the common cold' of psychiatric disorders / chemical imbalances anyone mired in cd usually thinks s/he is alone in the anguish; another lie created by the distorted thinking of cd what a waste of perfectly good human energy and strength! your cyber-sibling in struggling janet ------------------------------- Subject: fishing for gold hi sibling! you wrote: >...i have.. been having a hard time with clinical depression. >i'm not done yet but i think that >my swim up and outta the morass of gloom has begun. yowza! i'll betcha your BDI score has already started shrinking! >...my feelings of aloneness have been lessened >by your caring acceptance. i've truly needed to feel accepted >[to regard as true; to believe in [american heritage dictionary]] we are all 'true' we are all perfect as we are we don't need anyone else to validate our own truth but fully realising that takes some time it took me 50 years, after all!! and you know what the irony here is, for me, at least? it took the pain and work of dealing with cd to drag me to this point of clarity i would not have re-cognised it otherwise i truly believe that cd is my big lesson while i'm here learning how to see it for what it is learning how to smack its monkeys [automatic negative thoughts] upside the head helping others to learn that they have the power to do the same >the insidiousness of cd is overwhelming when >allowed to take over and control one's thoughts. >i felt like a goldfish trying to develop the bowl in which i lived >the need was desperate because >without the bowl to hold the water the goldfish will die. >the rub is that it just can't be done from within the bowl. >i didn't know how to get outside the bowl >so that i could begin to create it. hmmmmm i think the idea that 'it can't be done from within the bowl" is the great lie of our age you "don't know how" to get outside the bowl because it's an impossible task however, you [and we] have been made to think that it not only is possible but that you have a character flaw if you cannot accomplish it we have all been brainwashed and brainstained into thinking of ourselves as "sinners", as "unworthy", as "deserving" of joy only in the next life after we "prove" ourselves in this one lies all lies j.c.'s true words, and the buddha's, and lao tse's, and any other genuine prophet who has graced our planet have all said the same things over and over but the purity and simplicity of their messages have been muddied and sullied into needless complexity >your loving care has been a life line for me. >a line to grasp so that i can begin to climb... wow ...the reason "getting outside of the bowl" is an impossible task is because it [the bowl] does not exist you can breathe water and live you can breathe air and live you can breathe and live you can breathe you can live you are >...i have read your many posts .. and .. will .. >read and re-read [them] time and again... exactly! when i am compelled to write these things, i am tapped into something that i have only just dis-covered in me reading them and re-reading them is a need and a pleasure for me too >...now, if only the medicine would kick in >so that the blessed sunshine of clarity of thought >will chase away the gloom of cd... aaahhh! i think we are 'given' the gloom: 1. as a test / task to learn from 2. in the degree suited to our ability to deal with it 3. in order that we will fully re-cognise the sunshine next time it warms us with much love janet ------------------------------- Subject: catching up hi sibling! you wrote >i have a 10:00 appointment with the therapist tomorrow... >this cd is with a doubt the hardest thing i've ever encountered >in my life...i figure that i've had it for years and recent events >just brought it all to a head and i couldn't keep things in any longer... if you figure you've had it for years it's dug in and firmly established and needs aggressive treatment to correct the chemical imbalance i believe that pd makes me extra prone to cd but i also think there is a genetic aspect with me as well when i felt like prozac wasn't 'working anymore' last spring [at 20mg per day, 40mg during stressful periods] i went to my gp, since my 'shrink' had left the island he was very cautious and was reluctant to increase the prozac without my seeing another 'shrink' - so i did... and she instantly, no hesitation, bumped it up to 60mg per day! which started having an effect on me in a couple of weeks prozac and the other newer anti-depressants are 'easy' for any old medico to prescribe almost as a 'cure-all' but a professional [a specialist] who is familiar with the chemical imbalances and all the alternative meds needs to be brought in to deal seriously with cd you say it's been building up for a long time it's going to take some time to turn it around not the same length of time, certainly, but patience is needed this is a trick i started using on myself: try to focus on your negative thoughts and then flip them 180 degrees e.g. the negative thought "heck, i'm taking this 'magic cure' med and it's not working!" can be flipped into "hey i'm taking this new medication! i've taken a major step in turning this around!" or "This CD is with a doubt the hardest things I've ever encountered in my life [implied - i doubt that i can handle it]" can be flipped into "this is the biggest challenge i've ever faced; maybe it has come out now because i'm finally ready or able to deal with it" during this 'limbo' period..... [and it is just that - a specific stretch of time with a beginning and an end] in spite of a daunting chemical imbalance, you have initiated this period of transition with a very positive, self-loving step and it will end with the chemicals balanced and more love for yourself and all of this planet's other creations than you can even imagine right now >I keep trying to figure out if the medicine will >help keep the negative thoughts away. the 'figuring out' is an endless circle / spiral of doubt wearing a 'monkey' costume! my cue here is "...if the medicine will.." no ifs period a medicine will blow the fog away if not this one then another one so it's not a matter of 'if' at all it is simply a matter of when that's the reason the 'monkeys' are getting louder they have seen the writing on the wall as embodied in your self-loving actions >they are so pervasive now that, at times, it scares me. >i really don't like the suicidal thoughts at all >but i can't seem to keep them from creeping in. just because you can't keep them from creeping in doesn't mean they are not distorted false lying 'monkeys' >i'd truly rather be done [with life] there's no 'truly' about this atall! it's nowhere near any truth it's another lying 'monkey' coating your thoughts and your emotions with slime >but know that there's no way >i could turn the wishes into action. >it just makes me feel more trapped. again just because you 'feel' trapped doesn't mean that you 'are' - that is cognitive distortion number 7 per dr david burns' book >this is flat hard to deal with... yep it hurts like hell and narrows your focus down so tight that you can hardly see anything else but believe me you'll be treated to a panoramic view with just a little more time >maybe soon relief will come into my house. maybe soon maybe a tad later the timing is difficult to predict but the relief is on its way the very instant you had the gumption to ask for it it started its journey and it cannot be stopped >thank you for the encouragement. the doctor says to just wait >for the meds to work. one says it'll take a month or 6 weeks. >logically, that's not very long... >emotionally, it's an eternity... >and i wonder if i can keep on keeping on without any relief. >and then i do.... of course you do because the gumptious [!] one inside you has discovered his own small voice... let him speak... janet ------------------------------- a new voice - http://www.newcountry.nu/pd/members/janet/index.htm janet paterson - 51/10 - endocarb/selegiline/fluoxetine almonte/ontario/canada - [log in to unmask]