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Dear Dr. Tim & friends: Thank you for your thoughtful,insightful & darn good piece about the "mask of PD". Unlike Zorro or poker players, we mere humans depend on our faces to convey our true feelings: to take the sting out of a reprimand, to show our concern and sympathy, to say "I love you". This part of my disease is very hard for me to deal with. I used to be a bartender in my previous life (BPD)& I must admit that I could tell a joke or a story with the best of them. I had a strong, expressive voice and a kinda "Jim Carey" face to go along with it! My other vanity was my handwriting-everyone commented on what a lovely hand I had. I guess this must be God's way of teaching me humility-kinda like being a Cubs fan. I didn't realize that my mask was so noticable, until my kids (8 & 10) asked me why I was never happy anymore. They were hurt that their home-made Christmas gifts we're the huge hit that they usually were. Since then, I have made ar real efffort to speak more with my eyes. It has been a hard thing to accomplish & takes a real effort on my part & it never works when I'm really tired but I think it's worth the effort to really be there for my family. I didn't believe that it could really work until my I told my husband that I loved him & he said that he knew-he could see it in my eyes. Fortunatly, I live in a wonderful small town & during my two palllidotomies, the local newspaper gave me my 15 minutes of fame! So most people feel as if they know me & come up & speak to me but it is easy to understand that some people could quickly feel "out of the flow"; especially in a big, uncaring city. I remember a couple of years ago going out to dinner with my husband & another couple in the nearby city. We were all dressed up and going to an art opening-just the kind of function which I would have loved! After standing in line forever, we finally got in & the crowd & the smoke & the stress of having to be me just got to me. I begged my husbnd to get me out of there & later on,safe at home, I was watching an Art Garfunkle concert on tv, crying. I swore that that was the last time I would subject myself to those awful feelings again. It took along time & alot of courage just to go grocery shopping again. I think how hard that period of my life was & I thank God for helping me find the courage to go out the door again. Best, Joan