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This is one where I have to put my quarter's worth in, so let me get on my feed bucket here...umph!....there...now I can start - Mr. X, Denial, anger and depression go with PD like flies go with cows. You just aren't going to have one without the other. I doubt that there is a single person with PD that hasn't been where you are - yet we are here when the sun rises in the morning, ready to do whatever we have to do to get through another day. Why? Here's a few reasons: *There is a very close relationship with the chemical cause of depression and Parkinson's. I'd say there is a pretty good chance that what you are feeling is directly linked to the chemistry. Now let me say it one more time because you need to hear this: Parkinson's Disease can cause depression. See a doctor. Immediately. If the doctor says that statement is wrong, then leave and go see another one. This is not a theory. It is fact. Most of us are taking something to help with the depression, and none of us are ashamed to admit it. Take away our anti-depression pills and hide our Sinemet and you will be standing in the midst of some pretty funky folk. Give them back and we can raise hell. *Considering the alternatives, life is pretty good. I don't know what's on the other side of being dead. I do know what's here and there are some wonderful things to be alive for; music, pets, wives, children, flowers, sunrises, rainbows...you get the idea. *I know it's hard to give up "the dream." All of us had one, many of us still do. That magic pill, that little vial of potion that will give us the cure is almost here. I can feel it. I read the news reports, I study the new research and I know, for a fact, that we are at the doorway. The irony of my dying the day before the "CURE" is found is something I don't want my family to face. *And let's talk about family a moment and what happens when suicide enters the picture. You want to talk about denial, anger and depression? Think about your wife and what hell she would have to face. Do you have kids? Then triple it. Some say that because of "love" that they don't want their family to bear the burden of having to care for a PD member. Where is that "love" when they cry out in grief and terror because you did yourself in? That isn't love. *I never heard someone say, "I wish I had spent more time at the office." You worked hard all your life and now you can relax. Maybe you can't get to the golf course or scuba dive or race cars. There are a LOT of people who can't. We're happy, though. We're alive and doing things, things we think are very important. We are involved in the world, we are on the beaches, in the stores, we walk the halls of Congress, we write books, we create, design, love, raise kids, cry, fall down, get up and do it all over again. PD is an enemy. Don't give in to him. Fight him with every breath you take and cherish every moment you are alive. Stand against him, stand against the darkness. This is not a time to speak of "ashes to ashes." It's a time to hold onto every spark of life you have within you, to celebrate tomorrow as a new challenge, to see the sunrise and to thanks whatever god you believe in that your heart is still beating. It hurts, Mr. X, to hear you talk about throwing your life away when so many struggle every moment to keep theirs. It hurts me to think of those we have lost that fought to their dying breath when you find it so easy to think about giving up. You say you're a business man, so let's cut to the chase here and look at the bottom line - It took me 15 minutes to come up with a whole lot of reasons why you should NOT commit suicide. Can you give me a GOOD reason why you should? Well? I didn't think so. Come out with your hands up, Mr. X. You have a long and wonderful life ahead of you. We all do, every single one of us. We all get depressed, we know what you are feeling. You are not alone, my friend. Let us call you on the phone. Join the list and let's talk. Find someone close by who has PD. All you have to do is reach out, like you did to Gail, and a lot of good people will be there to hold onto you. Just try it. See what happens. Oh, and by the way, these people on the list saved my life back in '94. I came real close, way too close. Three of them pull me back from the edge by calling me on the phone. And you know what? There were right. Life is pretty damn good, as long as you try. -- The Official PWP Dumpster Gang Hideout http://www.newcountry.nu/pd/ The PWP WebRing http://www.webring.org/cgi-bin/webring?ring=parkie;list The Parkinson Alliance http://www.parkinsonalliance.net/