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Rick Hermann wrote: > > Here are a few thoughts about breaking the news to one's child. > > Yesterday I gave my twelve year old son the news that I had Parkinson's > disease. I had been thinking for a while about what to say, whether to say > anything to him directly, as he has asked me in recent weeks about my > shaking hand. So yesterday, I told him when I got home from work that I had > learned about the wonderful PD Bike-a-thon that Donna Kos is coordinating > and thought we (my son Eli and I) could participate on at least a leg of > the coast-to-coast ride. He's been bugging me about a bike trip--wants to > peddle from Seattle to Florida!! "How'd you find out about this?" he asked. > "On the Internet," I said. A couple more questions led to a couple more > honest answers and finally he asked why I was so interested in this > disease. "I have it," I said. "That's why my hand shakes." He thought for a > moment. "I don't feel very safe in this family," Eli finally said. "Mom's > got arthritis, grandpa died of a stroke, mom's mom is in a nursing hom, and > you've got Parkinson's disease." I assured him that Parkinson's is not > hereditary, that arthritis doesn't run in either my or my wife Lee's > families, that his grandma is very old and has lived a pretty good life.I > talked about my mom's parents, who lived into their nineties, and the good > health of my 80-year-old dad (except for emphysema caused by years of > smoking--an avoidable disease, I pointed out to my son). He seemed > thoughtful. "Will your whole body start to shake?" he asked. Tough > questions! I told him I was taking good medications that really help me > keep symptoms minimized and that I'd be okay for a really long time. "But > does it get worse as time goes on?" he persisted. "Yes," I said. "But it's > going to happen very slowly." We talked a little bit more, until he seemed > okay for the time being, and later I asked Lee if she thought I had done > okay. "I thought so," she said, "but he's really worried about disease." He > is. But the truth is, Eli has two really good parents who will continue to > take care of him and nurture his budding independence as he moves into his > teen-age years--and believe me those challenges have already begun. I feel > like we'll be okay in the larger picture, and we try to pass that outlook > on without minimizing his fears. It'll come up again, I'm sure. > > If anyone has feedback, suggestions, cautions, etc. in working with > children in this situation, I'd be glad to hear from you. This isn't in any > of the parenting books that I've read! > > Rick 47, 8 months Dear Rick, I think you approached the subject very well. It will probably take your son some more time to adjust to your PD. I know, when I got sick my son was only 4 and my daughter was only 7. Now they are 17 and 20 respectivley. At first they were angry, not at me but at the PD. After a while they accepted my PD. Now I couldn't ask for two children more supportive and understanding. Give your son some room to accept your PD and I am sure that your boy will turn out to be one of your greatest assets. Marv Weiss 49(13)