The following is courtesy of the Boeing Tech Pub Humor Page forwarded
to you by Darwin H.:
(Lots of words here that your spell checkers won't recognize.)
Subject: Techo-Term Definitions
Dilberted
To be exploited and oppressed by your boss. Derived from the
experiences of Dilbert, the geek-in-hell comic strip character.
"I've been dilberted again. The old man revised the specs for
the fourth time this week."
Link Rot
The process by which links on a web page became obsolete as the
sites they're connected to change location or die.
Chip Jewelry
A euphemism for old computers destined to be scrapped or turned
into decorative ornaments. "I paid three grand for that Mac SE,
and now it's nothing but chip jewelry."
Crapplet
A badly written or profoundly useless Java applet. "I just wasted
30 minutes downloading this stinkin' crapplet!"
Plug-and-Play
A new hire who doesn't need any training. "The new guy, John, is
great. He's totally plug-and-play."
World Wide Wait
The real meaning of WWW.
CGI Joe
A hard-core CGI script programmer with all the social skills
and charisma of a plastic action figure.
Dorito Syndrome
Feelings of emptiness and dissatisfaction triggered by addictive
substances that lack nutritional content. "I just spent six hours
surfing the Web, and now I've got a bad case of Dorito Syndrome."
Under Mouse Arrest
Getting busted for violating an online service's rule of conduct.
"Sorry I couldn't get back to you. AOL put me under mouse arrest."
Glazing
Corporate-speak for sleeping with your eyes open. A popular pastime
at conferences and early-morning meetings. "Didn't he notice that
half the room was glazing by the second session?"
404
Someone who's clueless. From the World Wide Web message "404, URL
Not Found," meaning that the document you've tried to access can't
be located. "Don't bother asking him...he's 404, man."
Dead Tree Edition
The paper version of a publication available in both paper and
electronic forms, as in: "The dead tree edition of the San
Francisco Chronicle..."
Egosurfing
Scanning the net, databases, print media, or research papers looking
for the mention of your name.
Graybar Land
The place you go while you're staring at a computer that's processing
something very slowly (while you watch the gray bar creep across the
screen). "I was in graybar land for what seemed like hours, thanks to
that CAD rendering."
Open-Collar Workers
People who work at home or telecommute.
Squirt The Bird
To transmit a signal up to a satellite. "Crew and talent are
ready...what time do we squirt the bird?"
Brain Fart
A byproduct of a bloated mind producing information effortlessly.
A burst of useful information. "I know you're busy on the
Microsoft story, but can you give us a brain fart on the Mitnik
bust?" Variation of old hacker slang that had more negative
connotations.
Cobweb Site
A World Wide Web Site that hasn't been updated for a long time.
A dead web page.
Keyboard Plaque
The disgusting buildup of dirt and crud found on computer keyboards.
"Are there any other terminals I can use? This one has a bad case
of keyboard plaque."
Career-Limiting Move (CLM)
Used among microserfs to describe an ill-advised activity.
Trashing your boss while he or she is within earshot is a
serious CLM.
Alpha Geek
The most knowledgeable, technically-proficient person in an
office or work group. "Ask Larry, he's the alpha geek around here."
Adminisphere
The rarified organizational layers beginning just above the rank
and file. Decisions that fall from the adminisphere are often
profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were
designed to solve.
Tourists
People who are taking training classes just to get a vacation from
their jobs. "We had about three serious students in the class; the
rest were tourists."
Blowing Your Buffer
Losing one's train of thought. Occurs when the person you are
speaking with won't let you get a word in edgewise or has just
said something so astonishing that your train gets derailed.
"Damn, I just blew my buffer!"
Gray Matter
Older, experienced business people hired by young entrepreneurial
firms looking to appear more reputable and established.
Bookmark
To take note of a person for future reference (a metaphor borrowed
from web browsers). "I bookmarked him after seeing his cool demo at
Siggraph."
Nyetscape
Nickname for AOL's less-than-full-featured Web browser.
Beepilepsy
The brief seizure people sometimes suffer when their beepers go off,
especially in vibrator mode. Characterized by physical spasms, goofy
facial expressions, and stopping speech in mid-sentence.
Salmon Day
The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to
get screwed in the end.
Dancing Baloney
Little animated GIFs and other Web F/X that are useless and serve
simply
to impress clients. "This page is kinda dull. Maybe a little dancing
baloney will help."
Depotphobia
Fear associated with entering a Home Depot because of how much money
one
might spend. Electronics geeks experience Shackophobia.
Flight Risk
Used to describe employees who are suspected of planning to leave a
company or department soon.
Generica
Features of the American landscape that are exactly the same no matter
where one is. "We were so lost in generica, I actually forgot what
city
we were in."
GOOD Job
A "Get-Out-Of-Debt" job. A well-paying job people take in order to pay
off their debts, one that they will quit as soon as they are solvent
again.
Irritainment
Entertainment and media spectacles that are annoying, but you find
yourself
unable to stop watching them. The O.J. trials were a prime example.
Midair Passenger Exchange
Grim air-traffic-controller-speak for a head -on collision. Midair
passenger exchanges are quickly followed by "aluminum rain."
PEBCAK
Tech support shorthand for "Problem Exists Between Chair and Keyboard."
(Techies are a frustrated, often arrogant lot. They've submitted
numerous
acronyms and terms that poke fun at the clueless users who call them up
with frighteningly stupid questions. Another variation on the above is
ID10T: "This guy has an ID-Ten-T on his system.")
Percussive Maintenance
The fine art of whacking the crap out of an electronic device to get it
to work again.
Seagull Manager
A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps over everything and
then leaves.
Square-headed Girlfriend
Another word for a computer. The victim of a square-headed girlfriend
is
a "computer widow."
Telephone-Number Salary
A salary (or project budget) that has seven digits.
Umfriend
A sexual relation of dubious standing.
"This is um...Dale, my...um...friend..."
Uninstalled
Euphemism for being fired. Heard on the voicemail of a vice president
at
a downsizing computer firm: "You have reached the number of an
uninstalled
vice president. Please dial our main number and ask the operator for
assistance." See also Decruitment.
Vulcan Nerve Pinch
The taxing hand position required to reach all of the appropriate keys
for
certain commands. For instance, the warm boot.
