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"FOR BETTER, FOR WORSE, FOR RICHER, FOR POORER, IN SICKNESS AND IN HEALTH, FOR AS LONG AS WE BOTH SHALL LIVE" answers this question rather succinctly. When there is no easy way out because you really stand by your vows, a person can find a way to live with it. If a person doesn't honor their commitment, then they have no honor. Darwin > ---------- > From: Tebay, Wendy M[SMTP:[log in to unmask]] > Sent: Monday, August 10, 1998 2:33 PM > To: Multiple recipients of list PARKINSN > Subject: Re: Time for Coordinated Mediation > > Bev, > > I don't have a problem with your comment about all of this being > harder on > the caregiver than the patient. In fact, in alot of ways, I totally > agree > with you. The caregiver is usually a healthy person, who still has > alot of > life in them (not that we pd'ers don't - but we are limited somewhat). > At > least the person who's sick, is well, sick, and they have to deal with > it. > It's hard to expect someone who's not to also give up their life too. > I > admit, I don't know that I could do it. There's a fine line between > honoring the commitment made previously to the person you love, and > also > maintaining your own sense of self and purpose (and happiness). A > friend of > mine is dealing with something similar with his wife who is manic > depressive. A couple years ago, they were almost divorced, as she > wan't > taking her medicine and didn't even acknowledge he existed. He was > paying > for all of her medical bills, and she completely blew him off and was > living > with her mother in another state for almost two years. They're back > together now, but I don't think for much longer. They're both in > their > thirties, and he wants a family, etc., and it doesn't look like that's > gonna > happen. I respect him for sticking by her, but I personally feel that > even > in this sort of situation, when one's sick and one's not, you've still > gotta > meet halfway. If only one is making all the effort, it's not right, > sick or > not. > > I'm not implying that this has any bearing on your life, I just > brought it > up cuz it's fresh on my mind, as I've been talking to him recently. > Personally, I think he's already made his decision, but he feels too > quilty > probably, due to her illness, to go thru with it. I know that as > long as > I'm alive, PD or not, I plan to live as fully as I can. I don't > personally > have a caregiver, (except for my dog!), cuz I'm still single. > Hopefully one > day I'll be married, if not, the duty will fall to my parents (if > they're > still here). It will take a special guy tho' to make that sort of > long > term committment to me, with my pd (it's hard enough to find them > anyway I > must say! - no offense to the male list members!). > > So anyway, I'm glad to hear that you'll be recruiting participants for > Sunday. I hope we'll all make a difference, one way or another. > > Wendy >