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Mail Delivery Subsystem wrote: > > The original message was received at Fri, 7 Aug 1998 16:10:09 -0700 (PDT) > from 1Cust173.tnt27.nyc3.da.uu.net [208.255.106.173] > > ----- The following addresses had permanent fatal errors ----- > <[log in to unmask]> > > ----- Transcript of session follows ----- > 550 <[log in to unmask]>... Host unknown (Name server: listserv.utoroto.ca: host not found) > > --------------------------------------------------------------- > Reporting-MTA: dns; scaup.prod.itd.earthlink.net > Received-From-MTA: DNS; 1Cust173.tnt27.nyc3.da.uu.net > Arrival-Date: Fri, 7 Aug 1998 16:10:09 -0700 (PDT) > > Final-Recipient: RFC822; [log in to unmask] > Action: failed > Status: 5.1.2 > Remote-MTA: DNS; listserv.utoroto.ca > Last-Attempt-Date: Fri, 7 Aug 1998 16:10:12 -0700 (PDT) > > --------------------------------------------------------------- > > Subject: telling your son > Date: Fri, 07 Aug 1998 19:09:41 -0400 > From: "Marvin J. Weiss" <[log in to unmask]> > Organization: Marvin J. Weiss, CPA > To: [log in to unmask] > > Marvin J. Weiss wrote: > > > > Rick Hermann wrote: > > > > > > Here are a few thoughts about breaking the news to one's child. > > > > > > Yesterday I gave my twelve year old son the news that I had Parkinson's > > > disease. I had been thinking for a while about what to say, whether to say > > > anything to him directly, as he has asked me in recent weeks about my > > > shaking hand. So yesterday, I told him when I got home from work that I had > > > learned about the wonderful PD Bike-a-thon that Donna Kos is coordinating > > > and thought we (my son Eli and I) could participate on at least a leg of > > > the coast-to-coast ride. He's been bugging me about a bike trip--wants to > > > peddle from Seattle to Florida!! "How'd you find out about this?" he asked. > > > "On the Internet," I said. A couple more questions led to a couple more > > > honest answers and finally he asked why I was so interested in this > > > disease. "I have it," I said. "That's why my hand shakes." He thought for a > > > moment. "I don't feel very safe in this family," Eli finally said. "Mom's > > > got arthritis, grandpa died of a stroke, mom's mom is in a nursing hom, and > > > you've got Parkinson's disease." I assured him that Parkinson's is not > > > hereditary, that arthritis doesn't run in either my or my wife Lee's > > > families, that his grandma is very old and has lived a pretty good life.I > > > talked about my mom's parents, who lived into their nineties, and the good > > > health of my 80-year-old dad (except for emphysema caused by years of > > > smoking--an avoidable disease, I pointed out to my son). He seemed > > > thoughtful. "Will your whole body start to shake?" he asked. Tough > > > questions! I told him I was taking good medications that really help me > > > keep symptoms minimized and that I'd be okay for a really long time. "But > > > does it get worse as time goes on?" he persisted. "Yes," I said. "But it's > > > going to happen very slowly." We talked a little bit more, until he seemed > > > okay for the time being, and later I asked Lee if she thought I had done > > > okay. "I thought so," she said, "but he's really worried about disease." He > > > is. But the truth is, Eli has two really good parents who will continue to > > > take care of him and nurture his budding independence as he moves into his > > > teen-age years--and believe me those challenges have already begun. I feel > > > like we'll be okay in the larger picture, and we try to pass that outlook > > > on without minimizing his fears. It'll come up again, I'm sure. > > > > > > If anyone has feedback, suggestions, cautions, etc. in working with > > > children in this situation, I'd be glad to hear from you. This isn't in any > > > of the parenting books that I've read! > > > > > > Rick 47, 8 months > > Dear Rick, > > I think you approached the subject very well. It will probably take > > your son some more time to adjust to your PD. I know, when I got sick my > > son was only 4 and my daughter was only 7. Now they are 17 and 20 > > respectivley. At first they were angry, not at me but at the PD. After > > a while they accepted my PD. Now I couldn't ask for two children more > > supportive and understanding. Give your son some room to accept your PD > > and I am sure that your boy will turn out to be one of your greatest > > assets. > > > > Marv Weiss 49(13)