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This is very difficult for me to reply to, as it deals with stuff I don't often let myself think about. But I think there is one exception here - and that is how the situatioan is impinging on the children. I loved my husband dearly, but whem he was manic, there were times I was really scared - like when he took my glasses away from me, because he knew that this was how "they" were communicating with me, and instructing me how to steal his children. And the times when he would go to the schoool to check whether "they" had managed to get at his kids. At such times he didnt bathe or change his clothes or shave for days on end, and was a pretty terrifying sight if you didn't understand the situation ( and even if you did) And it was always a battle with the authorities to get him hospitalised, because he didnt really pose a physical threat. And of course, even in the times that he was okay, if I invited a child over to play with my kids, the mother would alway say: wouldn't your child rather come to my house? If BUrt wouldn't have got the cancer when he did, i don't know what I wouuld have done. Maybe I would have left him, for the sake of the children. But I couldn't abandon that poor sick man..... there are times when I regard that cancer as a blessing - and that is one of the hardest things I have ever had to say..... Hilary Blue Tebay, Wendy M wrote: > > Darwin, > > In reply to your reply: > > ********* > "FOR BETTER, FOR WORSE, FOR RICHER, FOR POORER, IN SICKNESS AND IN > HEALTH, FOR AS LONG AS WE BOTH SHALL LIVE" answers this question rather > succinctly. When there is no easy way out because you really stand by > your vows, a person can find a way to live with it. If a person doesn't > honor their commitment, then they have no honor. > > Darwin > > ********** > I couldn't agree with you more. In my friend's case, however, he isn't > abandoning his sick wife, she seems to have abandoned him years ago. A > couple years ago, he almost filed for divorce based on abandonment. She had > been living with her mother (who is also manic depressive), in another > state, for two years. He was paying her medical bills, etc., and not only > wouldn't she return home, but she didn't even acknowledge he existed. It's > hard to help someone who doesn't want it. Somehow, about the end of that > two year period, she came back, but it doesn't sound like things have > improved much. In some ways I compare it to Christopher Reeves and his > wife. They must both be frustrated about his physical limitations now, and > the damper that also puts on certain normal physical aspects of marriage. > Despite what's happened to him tho', Christopher is very much alive and even > taking on new challenges (e.g., directing and pushing for a cure for his > condition). Despte some dark moments here and there, he still maintains > hope. That is key. He still loves his wife, and were he physically able, > he would continue to express it in all possible ways. For her part, she > deserves alot of credit, but again, despite the frustrations, he meets her > halfway, as much as he can. I don't think that illness gives you the excuse > to stop living up to your half of a marriage. If it does, then there's > probably more at work there than meets the eye. Anyway, I give my friend > credit for sticking with it for as long as he has, especially given the lack > of interest on her part. I do hope they can both work it out, but > personally, I think he'd be totally justified if he packed it in. Everyone > deserves to be happy. Life isn't perfect, but one-sided relationships are > unhealthy. > > Well, that's enough of my spiel. No one here may even care about this > little side story, but I originally brought it up as I do feel that the > caregiver does often get the raw end of the deal. I have no choice as to > whether or not I wish to be involved with pd, but as I am single, I know > it's gonna be twice as hard as it would be otherwise for me to find someone > who's willing and able to deal with it. I can't blame anyone for that, > altho' I'll still keep looking for someone who can handle it. > > Wendy