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In a message dated 98-08-11 19:29:57 EDT, [log in to unmask] writes: > > > > >Airplane Humor > > > > > > Occasionally, airline attendants make an effort to make the "in-flight > > safety lecture" a bit more entertaining. Here are some real examples > > that have been heard or reported: > > > > "As we prepare for takeoff, please make sure your tray tables and seat > > backs are fully upright in their most uncomfortable position." > > > > "There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways > > out of this airplane..." > > > > "Your seat cushions can be used for floatation, and in the event of an > > emergency water landing, please take them with our compliments." > > > > "We do feature a smoking section on this flight; if you must smoke, > > contact a member of the flight crew and we will escort you to the wing > > of the airplane." > > > > "Smoking in the lavatories is prohibited. Any person caught smoking in > > the lavatories will be asked to leave the plane immediately." > > > > "Good morning. As we leave Dallas, it's warm, the sun is shining, and > > the birds are singing. We are going to Charlotte, where it's dark, > > windy and raining. Why in the world y'all wanna go there, I really > > don't know." > > > > Pilot - "Folks, we have reached our cruising altitude now, so I am > > going to switch the seat belt sign off. Feel free to move about as you > > wish, but please stay inside the plane 'til we land... it's a bit cold > > outside, and if you walk on the wings it affects the flight pattern." > > > > And, after landing: "Thank you for flying Delta Business Express. We > > hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking > > you for a ride." > > > > As we waited just off the runway for another airliner to cross in > > front of us, some of the passengers were beginning to retrieve luggage > > from the overhead bins. The head steward announced on the intercom, > > "This aircraft is equipped with a video surveillance system that > > monitors the cabin during taxiing. Any passengers not remaining in > > their seats until the aircraft comes to a full and complete stop at > > the gate will be strip-searched as they leave the aircraft." > > > > As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Washington National, a > > lone voice comes over the loudspeaker: "Whoa, big fella...WHOA..!" > > > > Here are a few heard from Northwest: "Should the cabin lose pressure, > > oxygen masks will drop from the overhead area. Please place the bag > > over your own mouth and nose before assisting children or adults > > acting like children." > > > > "As you exit the plane, please make sure to gather all of your > > belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the > > flight attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses." > > > > And from the pilot during his welcome message: "We are pleased to have > > some of the best flight attendants in the industry... Unfortunately > > none of them are on this flight." > > > > > --------- End forwarded message ---------- >