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> > > > > >One of the risks of computer ownership is having your data attacked by a > >"computer virus." With this threat ever near, we offer the following > >comprehensive list of recent virsus... > > > > << New Viruses>> > > > > Ellen Degeneres virus -- Your IBM suddenly claims it's a MAC > > Titanic virus -- Makes your whole computer go down > > Disney virus -- Everything in the computer goes Goofy > > Mike Tyson virus -- Quits after one byte > > Prozac virus -- Screws up your RAM but your processor doesn't care > > Sharon Stone virus -- Makes a huge initial impact, then you forget > > it's there. > > Lorena Bobbit virus -- Turns your hard disk into a 3.5inch floppy > > Tim Allen virus -- Appears helpful, only to destroy your hard drive > > upon contact > > Woody Allen virus -- Bypasses the motherboard and turns on a > > daughter card > > Saddam Hussein virus -- Won't let you into any of your programs > > Tonya Harding virus -- Turns your .BAT files into lethal weapons > > George Michaels virus -- Runs its course, occasionally releasing > > excess data buildup > > Joey Buttafuoco virus -- Only attacks minor files > > X-files virus -- All your Icons start shape shifting > > Spice Girl virus -- Has no real function, but makes a pretty > > desktop > > Ronald Reagan virus -- Saves your data, but forgets where it is > > stored > > Dr. Jack Kevorkian virus -- Searches your hard drive for old files > > and deletes them > > Sonny Bono virus -- Just when you get surfing the web, a firewall > > appears out of nowhere > > Martha Stewart virus -- Takes all your files, sorts them by catagory > > and folds them into cute little doilies to be displayed on your > > desktop > > Oprah Winfrey virus -- Your 200MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to > > 80MB, and then slowly expands to 300MB > > AT&T virus -- Every 3 minutes it tells you what great service you > > are getting > > MCI virus -- Every 3 minutes it reminds you that you're paying too > > much for the AT&T virus > > Arnold Schwarzenegger virus -- Terminates and stays resident. It'll > > be back > >...and the most famous recent threat... > >Monica Lewinsky virus -- Deletes all logic and memory from your computer > > > > >> >