Here's the rest of them!!!
Tips for Northerners moving South
1. Save all manner of bacon grease. You will be instructed later
how to use it.
2. If you forget a Southerner's name, refer to him (or her) as
"Bubba". You have a 75% chance of
being right.
3. Just because you can drive on snow and ice does not mean we can.
Stay home the two days
of the year it snows.
4. If you do run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in
the cab of a four-wheel-drive with a
12-pack of beer and a tow chain will be along shortly. Don't try to
help them. Just stay out of
their way. This is what they live for.
5. Don't be surprised to find movie rentals and bait in the same store.
6. Do not buy food at the movie store.
7. If it can't be fried in bacon grease, it ain't worth cooking, let
alone eating.
8. Remember: "Y'all" is singular. "All y'all" is plural. "All y'all's"
is plural possessive.
9. There is nothing sillier than a Northerner imitating a southern
accent, unless it is a southerner
imitating a Boston accent.
10. Get used to hearing, "You ain't from around here, are you?"
11. People walk slower here. Also, it's not that Southerners talk slow,
Northerners listen too fast.
12. Don't be worried that you don't understand anyone. They don't
understand you either.
13. The first Southern expression to creep into a transplanted
Northerner's vocabulary is the
adjective "Big ol'", as in "big ol' truck" or "big ol' boy".
Eighty-five percent begin their new
southern influenced dialect with this expression. One hundred
percent are in denial about it.
14. The proper pronunciation you learned in school is no longer proper.
17. If you hear a Southerner exclaim, "Hey, y'all, watch this!" stay out
of his way. These are likely
the last words he will ever say.
18. Most Southerners do not use turn signals, and they ignore those who
do. In fact, if you see a
signal blinking on a car with a southern license plate, you may
rest assured that it was on
when the car was purchased.
20. The winter wardrobe you always brought out in September can wait
until November.
22. If there is the prediction of the slightest chance of even the most
minuscule accumulation of
snow, your presence is required at the local grocery store. It
does not matter if you need
anything from the store, it is just something you're supposed to
do.
23. Satellite dishes are very popular in the South. When you purchase
one it is to be positioned
directly in front of your trailer. This is logical bearing in mind
that the dish cost considerably
more than the trailer and should, therefore, be displayed.
24. Tornadoes and Southerners going through a divorce have a lot in
common.
In either case, you know someone is going to lose a trailer.
25. Florida is not considered a southern state. There are far more
Yankees than Southerners
living there.
26. In southern churches you will hear the hymn, "All Glory, Laud and
Honor". You will also hear
expressions such as, "Laud, have mercy", "Good Laud", and "Laudy,
Laudy, Laudy".
27. As you are cursing the person driving 15 mph in a 55 mph zone,
directly in the middle of the
road, remember, many folks learned to drive on a model of vehicle
known as John Deere, and
this is the proper speed and lane position for the vehicle.
28. You can ask a Southerner for directions, but unless you already know
the positions of key
hills, trees and rocks, you're better off trying to find it
yourself.
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> ----------
> From: Bruce Anderson[SMTP:[log in to unmask]]
> Sent: Thursday, September 03, 1998 11:18 AM
> To: Multiple recipients of list PARKINSN
> Subject: Humor >> I'm back
>
> What do a tornado and an Arkansas divorce have in common?
>
>
> In each one, someone losses a trailer home.
> Joan Rivers radio show, last
> night.
>
>
> >What's a Vanagon? Half Van, half station wagon? What's a wasserboxer?
> >This old Arkie (Arkansawyer) knows what a gunnysack is, however, we
> call
> >them "tow sacks" (for toting stuff around).
> >> ----------
> >> From: David Moreland[SMTP:[log in to unmask]]
> >> Sent: Wednesday, September 02, 1998 11:47 PM
> >> To: Multiple recipients of list PARKINSN
> >> Subject: I'm back
> >>
> >
>
