The following is from an actual newspaper contest where entrants,
age 4 to 15, were asked to submit their thoughts about deep thoughts.
The comments in parenthesis are mine. Note, the teenagers are vicious!
----------------------------------------------------------------------
I believe you should live each day as if it is your last, which
is
why I don't have any clean laundry because, come on, who wants to
wash clothes on the last day of their life. -- Age 15 (good advice
for a PWP?)
Give me the strength to change the things I can, the grace to
accept
the things I cannot, and a great big bag of money. -- Age 13 (I
could live with that!)
It sure would be nice if we got a day off for the president's
birthday, like they do for the queen, Of course, we would have a lot
of people voting for a candidate born on July 3 or December 26, just
for the long weekends. -- Age 8 (smart beyond his or her years!)
Democracy is a beautiful thing, except for that part about
letting
just any old yokel vote. -- Age 10 (those yokels are who we vote
for!)
I bet living in a nudist colony takes all the fun out of
Halloween. -- Age 13
(someday I'll tell all of you about the Halloween prank I pulled
on my wife back in my younger days!)
I often wonder how come John Tesh isn't as popular a singer as
some people think he should be. Then, I remember its because he
sucks.
-- Age 15
For centuries, people thought the moon was made of green cheese.
Then
the astronauts found that the moon is really a big hard rock. That's
what happens to cheese when you leave it out. -- Age 6
My younger brother asked me what happens after we die. I told
him we
get buried under a bunch of dirt and worms eat our bodies. I guess
I
should have told him the truth--that most of us go to hell and burn
eternally--but I didn't want to upset him. -- age 10
If we could just get everyone to close their eyes and visualize
world peace for an hour, just imagine how serene it would be until
the looting started. -- Age 15
When I go to heaven I want to see my grandfather again. But he
better
have lost the nose hair and the old-man smell. -- Age 5
I once heard the voice of God. It said "Vrrrrmmmmm." Unless it
was
just a lawn mower. -- Age 11
I don't know about you, but I enjoy watching paint dry. I
imagine
that the wet paint is a big freshwater lake that is the only source
of water for some tiny cities by the lake. As the lake gets drier,
the population gets more desperate, and sometimes there are water
riots. Once there was a big fire and everyone died. -- Age 13
I like to go down to the dog pound and pretend that I've found
my
dog. Then I tell them to kill it anyway because I already gave away
all of his stuff. Dog people sure don't have a sense of humor.
-- Age 11
As you make your way through this hectic world of ours, set
aside a
few minutes each day. At the end of the year, you'll have a couple
of
days saved up. -- Age 7
Often, when I'm reading a good book, I stop and thank my
teacher.
That is, I used to, until she got an unlisted number. -- Age 15
It would be terrible if the Red Cross Bloodmobile got into an
accident. No, wait. That would be good because if anyone needed it,
the blood would be right there. -- Age 5
Think of the biggest number you can. Now add five. Then, imagine
if
you had that many Twinkies. Wow, that's five more than the biggest
number you could come up with. -- Age 6
The only stupid question is the one that is never asked, except
maybe "Don't you think its about time you audited my return?" or
"Isn't it morally wrong to give a warning when, in fact, I was
speeding?" Age 15
Once, I wept for I had no shoes, then I came upon a man who had
no
feet, so I took his shoes. I mean, it's not like he needed them,
right? -- Age 15
I gaze at the brilliant full moon. The same one, I think to
myself, at
which Socrates, Aristotle and Plato gazed. Suddenly, I imagine they
appear beside me. I tell Socrates about the national debate over
one's right to die and wonder at the constancy of the human
condition.
I tell Plato that I live in the country that has come the closest to
Utopia, and I show him a copy of the Constitution. I tell Aristotle
that we have found many more than four basic elements and I show a
periodic table. I get a box of kitchen matches and strike one. They
gasp with wonder. We spend the rest of the night lighting farts. --
Age 15
