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In a message dated 9/13/98 2:43:09 PM Central Daylight Time, [log in to unmask] writes: << I couldn't handle them both physically and psychologically. Fortunately, I was able to bring someone on/train someone on to help with the running of the office while I took this medical leave. When I think about going back to work I get a knot in my stomach and wonder whether I can do the job or whether I should even try. I'm just not sure what to do....I'm not sure what I can do. Has anyone on the list felt this way? Any advice? Much appreciated. Thanks. J. Konick >> Mr. Konick, I have BTDT. I am writing this from the perspective of what I would like to have known myself a few yeas back. In as much as my experience is valid, the following comments probably apply to your situation. In that you were able to train a competent replacement for your self, you have done more than I was able to. My disease removed me from a position of some responsibility and left it in the hands of an adolescent personality. So good on you for being able (and taking the trouble) to turn your job over to someone competent. What happens now? First, let me say that things are going to be different now that you have finally given up the rat race. We (males especially) tend to define who we are by what we do. That means (to some extent) even the most forewarned of us will feel like "nothing" soon after our lack of required service ends. It is a little like a long vacation, a lot like a prison term. People are another downer. Be prepared to be treated increasingly like a nobody. Soon enough, you will notice that people now ignore your propositions to collaborate on something Others will have both unrealistic expectations of what you can do and think you too disabled (unable) to do things you can. Watch out for people. Expect even the most sincere to take unfair advantage of you (mostly out of ignorance). In my case, it was selling me real estate and increasing my privileges to do things which I did not want and should not do. What to do now. ? 1. Keep busy. Fix things, do art, invent stuff, join a volunteer organization. 2. Keep your mind and body exercised. For the body: walk your dog daily -even if just around the block. work out with weights. do aerobics, do Tai Chi. For the mind: learn all the bells and whistles associated with your computer (almost all of today's PCs can be a synthesizer to rival the "mighty moog" of a few years back). Read something new if you have wanted to do Ann Rand's stuff, now is the time. 3. Do not neglect to go after everything the government has to offer. You are gonna need it. I speak of SSDI; Medicare, VA benefits etc. etc. 4. Do not neglect investments. One of the best ways to invest, if you can find it, is an investment club. That insures a consistent input to your retirement fund, a fund toto educate your kids, or whatever. You will need money. At any rate, it is your problem. Accept reasonable help where it is offered. However, do not expect it. You and your committed others must run your own show. Nobody will run it for you. You do not say if you are married. If so, you and your wife (who will become your "caregiver" soon enough) will have to work out a host of little details you now think are no problem. These include responsibilities for doing the lawn, paying the bills, and many others. You need a budget. Working out these details will inspire a lot of anger in many families especially those in which the communication is poor or that operate on a lot of assumptions and takens for granted. Be careful but do not despair. All of these things can be done. However, so doing requires getting on with it (soon). Regards WHH 55/19 PS: Sex is not necessarily gone (even quite late). The cerebral cortex is man's (and woman's) primary sex organ.