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my dear barb

our lives seem to run on semi-parallel tracks
you've had a lot of upheaval and personal stress in the past few months
so have i
you are facing a major disability pension decision
so am i

back in may,
i wrote to us all asking for advice re applying for disability
with a basic question:

how do i [or my doctors] fill out the forms describing my 'abilities'
when they vary from day to day and from hour to hour
depending on meds, food, hormones and the stars?

i received many answers
and their message was loud and clear, viz:

---------------------------------------------------------
>Date:    Sun, 3 May 1998 10:41:19 EDT
>From:    Janet313 <[log in to unmask]>
>Subject: Re: help help help - re disability pension this time
>
> hi all
>
> i am so grateful for all of your speedy replies
> i've already received 8 messages from you
>
> so many of you advised me to describe my worst 'off' condition
> which was the way i was already instinctively leaning
> although somewhere in the depths of my brain
> [guilt? denial? hope springing eternal?]
> i 'wanted' to use more positive terms
>
> however
> gail's response in re my "biological condition" vs my "medicated condition"
> made the lightbulb go on over my head
> bingo!
>
> without meds
> i cannot function well at all
> and that's the condition i will report on...
>
> more evidence of this miraculous dynamic at work...
>
> janet
>
>---------------------------------------------------------

another response was one from jeremy browne in england:

>There's only one thing for it: complete every answer as if you
>were at your worst OFF all the time. In UK, this is how we have
>to answer the various claim forms. Also in UK an end-of-dose
>disability is just as legally a disability as a full-time disability.

my unsolicited opinion:
barb, i know you like to 'look your best'
but i don't think this is the time to pander to vanity

i don't mean that to sound harsh or critical
i used to indulge myself with fake fingernails
had long red nails all the time every day for four years
what did all that prove in the long run?
that i had lots of spare time and cash to fool around with them
who did i need to prove all that to?
i realized that the people i truly cared about
couldn't care less about my nails
as long as i was happy

the judge's mindset might very well be
'hmmm ... if she has the time and money and ability
to take that much effort with her appearance... hmmmm'

not to say that is 'fair' or the way things 'should' be handled
but it is probably reality for now

scott peck describes having a strong will this way:
> like having a dozen Clydesdales in your backyard. Those horses
>are massive and extremely strong, and yet if they are not properly
>trained, disciplined, and harnessed, they will knock your house
>down. On the other hand, if they are properly trained, disciplined,
>and harnessed, then with them you can literally move mountains.

[my weekend highlight was the workhorses competition
at Almonte's 140th anniversary agricultural fair!]

you describe a lot of angry feelings
i agree that you can probably channel that energy into positive action
rather than negative and potentially self destructive venting
in the judge's presence

we have all been brainwashed into
chin up
make nice
dont complain
dont reveal any weakness
dont embarass yourself or your family

but this is the time
maybe the one and only time
where that false positive brainwashing must be discarded
where the worst possible 'face' MUST be put on your condition
not exaggerated
just not prettied up in any way

if i were in your situation
i would strongly consider going before the judge
completely unmedicated
no matter what it took to get there in that condition
wheelchair ambulance whatever
this is their game and their rules
my anger would be channelled into
if they want disabled
they're gonna get disabled!
by gum!

you are not asking for handouts
you are part of your society
and obligated to adhere to its rules
as well as entitled to partake of its benefits
all of them

if in your opinion the rules/benefits are being badly managed
take strategic action to correct them for society's sake
but don't put yourself at risk needlessly

but again, my dear cyber-sis, this is unsolicited advice
just my opinion offered out of concern
do with it what you will

love

janet

janet paterson - 51/10 - almonte/ontario/canada
http://www.newcountry.nu/pd/members/janet/
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