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I really enjoyed those, Darwin, I repair copying and duplicating equipment, and I see some really strange complaints. How about: 1 Machine always seems to be out of whack: Solution, recommend customer order whack in larger quantity. 2 Customer wants dead lizard removed from machine, is that covered by contract? Solution: NO! Result: Customer canceled call. 3 Machine lost all toner fluid when picked up by Mr. Klutz. Solution: Machine cleaned, and refilled, request that Mr. Klutz appoint new key operator! Problem: White print does not show on white paper. Solution: suggest customer substitute any color but white paper! Problem: large circles like watermark on each copy, Solution: stop warming doughnuts on copier glass each morning. Problem, looks like machine is out of toner, toner light flashing. Solution: try adding toner to copier, result: call canceled by customer. Problem: machine stops running when lights in room are shut off. Solution: plugged machine into wall outlet not controlled by light switch. Problem: copier getting very dirty, many problems. Solution: Move machine inside building, rather than out in the carport. Result: problem solved. Problem: machine hit by pool table when customer drove car into pool table. Solution: made estimate for insurance company to replace machine. Problem: blue spots on paper when it comes out of copier. Solution: put paper without blue spots into paper tray! Problem: Purchased machine used, and does not run like a new machine. Solution: sent salesman to sell a new machine. Problem: machine runs hot and drum gets melted. Solution: Ask customer not to place heavy comforter (quilt) over machine after use. Problem: fluids leak out of machine when it is over filled. Solution: do not over fill! Problem: when fluid ink is used, it splatters all over the wall, Solution: Use paste ink, which machine was designed to run. Comment: customer does not understand why they must throw out ink from old machine, just because it splatters on wall. Manager's comment: ask customer to please call competitor in the future! These are all true! I was there! One more from an airline mechanic who I will not identify, but it was not me: Complaint: Throttle does not swing around SMARTLY, Repair: cleaned SMARTLY! Ken B