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As I read your E-mail (below), I was deeply touched.  It's terrific that you
are going to be there to support Barb during her court appearance on the
21st.  It is unfortunate that the Government regulations regarding
entitlement to SSDI are so stringent.

I see that your E-Mail address is LuvAbearCG.    Do you collect ceramic
bears or bear toys?

I pray that you will soon be experiencing relief from some of the effects
caused by the disease.




-----Original Message-----
From: Gina Cass <[log in to unmask]>
To: Multiple recipients of list PARKINSN <[log in to unmask]>
Date: Monday, September 14, 1998 7:27 PM
Subject: Re: Short-term Disability Rest of my life type stuff.


>God Love ya Barb:  I am honored to be your friend, the passion and fire
coming
>in on your email is amazing.  I believe going to court with that attitude
will
>bring the place down and win for everyone that day.  Even those not going
to
>court, those not yet diagnosed and those just having a single episode.  You
>are a formidable fighter taking on the scores of nonbelievers for all of
us.
>Thank you lady.  I am with you.  You will be going on the 21st at what
time.
>Typical court building or SS Office?  Well, I will personally send myself
>there with you.  I will be sitting in the audience with my usual look.
Hair
>that is silver, kind of a wild style, short, blue eyes, a PD complexion (so
>pretty, kicker I never had a blemish in my life), swollen legs, ankles,
feet,
>walk with a walking stick as I have a very bad habit of toppling over,
dizzy
>spells, etc., I now notice that I lean to the left my head just wants to go
>that way, Aches and pains everywhere so you will hear me moaning in court,
and
>shifting from side to side can't find a comfortable position to sit, so
you'll
>look out and find a few of us moving, shifting, groaning, moaning.  Since,
my
>meds have not settled out yet I still get these major tremors and if I
slide a
>dose for a while whoa that outa be something.  But with shakes I can't hold
>books, magazines, phamlets, etc., in my hands and read so I now have my
>headset with me and various little audio books, music tapes, play those
>somewhat loud.  I have noticed something relatively new, these little body
>jerks, along with the head bobs, lip quivering, leg jumping, throat
clearing
>visions I should really be convincing.  Get a little group of us all in an
>area to "Sit" kinda and the judge won't be watching the other side. He will
be
>so freaked and say "Hey Aunt Petunia had something like that, but she was
so
>old. You're to young are you"?  But he would look at us and say "Maybe
not."
>See, I figure I am good for a few little things.
>I want to relate something that happened to me:  It was last Wednesday, as
I
>was still awake decided to go to bed, lay there put my legs up and pray for
>sleep.  I got into the bedroom as I had for seven years the same way.  I
was
>standing at the end of the King Size Bed trying to sort dog -- dog -- cat
from
>covers, sheets & comforters.  I was somehow turned around.  I stopped and
>waited hoping to hear the snoring a dog or my husband.  All was quiet.  OK,
>lets try it again.  I walked to the door, rotated back facing the bed one
more
>time.  Carefully picking my steps so as not to fall and wake anyone I was
at
>the end of the bed again.  Lost, I could not find my way.  The picture in
my
>mind was the other side of the bed and I was over by the door again.  This
>time my one dog Bandit sat up and huffed as if to say, "Well come on, I
want
>to sleep."  So stood one last time hoping to find my way.  My husband asked
>what was wrong in a sleep state, me at that moment being to proud, to
>independent told him nothing was wrong.  I was OK.  But as I made that
final
>attempt to find my bedrail, I failed.  I know I ran my hand along the whole
>side but could find nothing familiar.  At that point I was crying and so
>afraid.  I was scarred, feeling so all alone, so vulnerable.  Oh God,
please
>help me.  I am sitting crying right now, this poor computer. I was so hurt.
I
>didn't realize how much I am beginning to depend on others.  How the
sometimes
>get so frustrated with me/PD.  It just hurt so badly.  I left the bedroom
and
>slept on the couch as I had so much lately if I sleep at all.  And at 3:00
AM
>there aren't many there to here the lonely cry.  I am angry, hateful,
hurting,
>cheated, thought of as the disease (we being one and the same).  I am
locked
>inside this shell that is deteriorating and I want out of it.  I don't want
to
>shake, and fall, and walk funny, and have skin on my face like so much
>leather,  Take this med, take that med, eat this at this time, don't eat
that,
>report, report, report.  Try to get SSDI or any help at all. Work outside
the
>home and be punished.  I can't even think of working.  Even the thought
makes
>the tremors go nuts.  I have dropped things, pushed things, paper plates
are a
>joke, food just bounces off.  I have such pain tonight.  I am so tired of
this
>crap.  We get on the list and talk, trying to help each other when we
should
>be living full, active and healthy lives.  The only active part is how much
>our bodies move without our help.  There's a new one, an exercise program
>entirely of PWP, what a concept.  Do the PD Shake.  The falling part I can
do
>real well.  I know that everytime I fall, a new rail goes up.
>Boy, I do go on.  I thank for those of you who have listened.  I needed to
>vent with people who know what this disease is.  It is hard to talk with
>someone who hasn't a clue.  I also, don't know who came up with the phrase
>"Side Effects."  Let's try "Main Effects," and sometimes they are worse
then
>the problem.  Almost makes you want to quit.  I used to do Accounting, I
was
>an Accountant.  Now, I have mush for brains, I can't key very well do to
>shaking (double key, triple key, no key), I can't stay seated due to pains.
>So, I am on SSDI with a re-hearing in May 1999, maybe they will find a job
I
>can do in my physical and mental state.  Ticket taker, but then one of the
>meds has lent me to bout of Hallucinations and Paranoia.  I wanna be there,
I
>wanna hear this one.
>Well, I have to blow my nose, whip my eyes and sweep the floor.  Darn
>Hallucinations, there are so many things crawling on it.  Yes, Jim and
Betty I
>went back on the Seroqual, just hasn't kicked in yet.  God bless you.
>Thank you for letting me dump.  I am having a really hard time.  Couldn't
>guess eh?
>TTFN
>Gina
>Oh yea Med time!!!!!!!!!