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There is a old saying which states "be careful what you ask for - you might get it". This might almost be restated as "be careful what you say - someone might think you mean it". A prime example of this was when I was told by one of my wife's relations that my PD was worse for my wife than it was for me, because "it is harder to watch someone you love suffer, than to suffer yourself". She meant well so I held back from saying "so you would rather Jo had the PD?" - which I know she didn't mean, but which was the unavoidable implication of what she actually said. Some time ago I fell into a similar trap. I found myself praying for and hoping for a personal miracle. I wanted to be free of PD and if medical science was going to take its time I wanted God to step in on my behalf. Friends joined in and things became pretty intense for a while. But I found myself becoming more and more uneasy. Eventually I identified some of the causes of my unease. They included a realisation that at some level I didn't just want a miracle, I was expecting one, whilst on another level I knew that a miracle is , by definition, not something that happens just because you follow a set procedure or have faith enough. The consequences of pinning all my hopes on a miracle and then not getting one terrified me. I also started to feel that asking for a personal cure implied that I believed that I was "owed" something, that for some reason I was special and more deserving of rescue than others who have this disease. That is not how I feel but it is the inescapable, even if unintended, implication of what I was saying and doing. Those realisations brought with them their own implications. Now I pray that medical science be guided to a cure that will benefit all of us - and on a personal level I ask that I be given the strength and courage to hold on until they get it right. Dennis +++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Dennis Greene 48/11 "It is better to be a crystal and be broken, Than to remain perfect like a tile upon the housetop." [log in to unmask] http://members.networx.net.au/~dennisg/ +++++++++++++++++++++++++++