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I couldn't resist any longer. Some HMOs are OK, some are not.

Healthcare in concert

A managed care company president was given a ticket for a performance of
Schubert's Unfinished Symphony. since he was unable to go, he passed the
invitation to one of his managed care reviewers. The next, morning , the
president asked him how he enjoyed it , and, instead of a few plausible
observations, he was handed a memorandum which read as follows:

1. For a considerable period, the oboe players had nothing to do. their
number should be reduced, and their work spread over the whole
orchestra, thus avoiding peaks of inactivity.

2. All twelve violins were playing identical notes. This seems
unnecessary duplication, and staff of this section should be drastically
cut. If a large volume of sound is really required, this could be
obtained through the use of an amplifier.

3. Much effort was involved in playing the sixteenth notes. This seems
an excessive refinement, and it is recommended that all notes should be
rounded up to the nearest eighth note. If this were done, it would be
possible to use the paraprofessionals instead of experienced musicians.

4. No useful purpose is served by repeating with horns the passage that
has already been handled by the strings. IF all such redundant passages
were eliminated, the concert could be reduced from two hours to twenty
minutes.

5. This symphony had two movements. If Schubert didn't achieve his
musical goals by the end of the first movement, then he should have
stopped there. The second movement is unnecessary and should be cut. In
light of the above one can only conclude that had Schubert given
attention to these matters, he probably would had had the time to finish
his symphony.