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Hi Marling: It was that thing you said about "spitting" that rattled this morning's sunburst from my mind. Actually, the sunburst started a few days ago with a letter from a dear friend who was diagnosed at about the same time as me. She had been out to dinner with some "friends" who, as the evening progressed, spun the conversation wheel to chronic illness. Their determination about the quantity of grace they would surely use in gliding through such an experience (shd. it ever happen) was capped with the comment by one to "shoot her if she ever needed reading glasses." My friend sat in stunned disbelief, excused herself and went to the washroom. (No one shd. even think for a second that the reality of her condition was unknown to them. They were well aware.) I replied to my friend with a spit to these people, and as much love for her as I could send. But it left me very angry. I live across a continent from her. The longing to have been able to intervene at that moment was finally satisfied in my own corner of the world this morning. Perhaps I over reacted. But I felt strong after I did it. I felt that I would not let my symptoms be trivialized. Here's the scene: an English dept. office in a high school. Teacher 1 says, "Barb, you're clearing your throat, do you have a cold?" I say, "No, actually believe it or not I've been clearing my throat for about 10 yrs. I used to think I was allergic to chalkdust. But then I found out that PD affects the swallowing reflex, so I figure it might have been an early sign, I don't know." Teacher 1, "PD affects swallowing?" Barb, "Yeah, sometimes if I'm eating and my mouth is dry I have to remind myself to be careful here." Teacher 2. "Really? Well I have to be careful about eating with a dry mouth too. I don't have PD." (here's where I realligned the universe for me and my far away friend.) Barb. "Yeah and I'm sure you're a little stiff in the morning when you get out of bed, and you probably shake when you're excited or scared, and you might fall from time to time because everyone loses their balance right? And when you're tired, you probably walk real slow. But you know, put them all together and it spells........" Ok, sorry, if I was too strong. And there's more water that's passed under this bridge than I'm taking the time to tell. But Marling, "spitting" is exactly the right word. Barb -----Original Message----- From: Marling McReynolds <[log in to unmask]> To: Multiple recipients of list PARKINSN <[log in to unmask]> Date: Friday, October 16, 1998 10:00 PM Subject: "you look good" Sometimes I feel like spitting on people. I know that some of my PD does not show on the outside and the many pills I take control some of that which would otherwise make me a shaking, slobbering, jerking, idiot. But when people come up and say,"You look so good. You must be getting better", I just wish I had no manners and could spit on them. I know, this is not the way I should feel. And, as I said, I no longer say, "just fine" when asked how I am. If it is a PD day I tell them that. But this "you look good and you must be getting better" are killing me. "don't forget how to laugh, and do it often" [log in to unmask] http://members.tripod.com/~marling