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to those that enjoy humor - - - enjoy > Today's Stock Market Report: > > Helium was up, feathers were down. Paper was stationary. > Fluorescent tubing was dimmed in light trading. > Knives were up sharply. > Cows steered into a bull market. > Pencils lost a few points. > Hiking equipment was trailing. > Elevators rose, while escalators continued their slow decline. > Weights were up in heavy trading. > Light switches were off. > Mining equipment hit rock bottom. > Diapers remained unchanged. > Shipping lines stayed at an even keel. > The market for raisins dried up. > Coca Cola fizzled. > Caterpillar stock inched up a bit. > Sun peaked at midday. > Balloon prices were inflated. > Scott Tissue touched a new bottom. > And batteries exploded in an attempt to recharge the market.