This is a multi-part message in MIME format. --part0_910309113_boundary Content-ID: <[log in to unmask]> Content-type: text/plain; charset=US-ASCII Anyone who does not want to have a little entertainment provided by columnist Dave Barry, should delete this. I suggest reading it. Enjoy! [log in to unmask] --part0_910309113_boundary Content-ID: <[log in to unmask]> Content-type: message/rfc822 Content-transfer-encoding: 7bit Content-disposition: inline Return-Path: <[log in to unmask]> Received: from rly-za05.mx.aol.com (rly-za05.mail.aol.com [172.31.36.101]) by air-za05.mail.aol.com (v51.13) with SMTP; Thu, 05 Nov 1998 12:51:46 -0500 Received: from www.CIRC.gwu.EDU (www.circ.gwu.edu [128.164.127.251]) by rly-za05.mx.aol.com (8.8.8/8.8.5/AOL-4.0.0) with ESMTP id MAA25559 for <[log in to unmask]>; Thu, 5 Nov 1998 12:51:44 -0500 (EST) Received: from gwis2.circ.gwu.edu (nili@gwis2 [128.164.127.252]) by www.CIRC.gwu.EDU (8.8.8/8.8.7) with ESMTP id MAA27390 for <[log in to unmask]>; Thu, 5 Nov 1998 12:39:34 -0500 (EST) Received: from localhost (nili@localhost) by gwis2.circ.gwu.edu (8.8.8/8.8.8) with SMTP id MAA13931; Thu, 5 Nov 1998 12:42:39 -0500 (EST) Date: Thu, 5 Nov 1998 12:42:39 -0500 (EST) From: Andrew Seth Becker <[log in to unmask]> To: [log in to unmask] cc: "Meredith B. Gordon" <[log in to unmask]> Subject: Fw: funny (fwd) Message-ID: <[log in to unmask]> Content-ID: <[log in to unmask]> Mime-Version: 1.0 Content-type: text/plain; charset=ISO-8859-1 Content-transfer-encoding: quoted-printable ---------- Forwarded message ---------- Date: Thu, 5 Nov 1998 12:33:58 -0500 From: "Joshua D. Miron" <[log in to unmask]> To: "Joel D. Miron" <[log in to unmask]>, Rachel E Miron <[log in to unmask]>= , Jason Graham <[log in to unmask]>, Holly DeGraff <[log in to unmask]>, David Cone <[log in to unmask]>, Andrew Becker <[log in to unmask]>, Aaron Issacs <[log in to unmask]> Subject: Fw: funny -----Original Message----- From: Shawn Michaelson <[log in to unmask]> To: Josh Miron <[log in to unmask]> Date: Thursday, November 05, 1998 9:08 AM Subject: Fw: funny shit -- > >25 things I have learned in 50 years > >by Dave Barry > > > >1. The badness of a movie is directly proportional to the number of > >helicopters in it. > > > >2. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and > >compelling reason why we observe daylight-savings time. > > > >3. People who feel the need to tell you that they have an excellent > >sense of humor are telling you that they have no sense of humor. > > > >4. The most valuable function performed by the federal government is > >entertainment. > > > >5. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely > >suggests you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby > >emerging from her at that moment. > > > >6. A penny saved is worthless. > > > >7. They can hold all the peace talks they want, but there will never > >be peace in the Middle East. Billions of years from now, when Earth is > >hurtling toward the Sun and there is nothing left alive on the planet > >except a few microorganisms, the microorganisms living in the Middle > >East will be bitter enemies. > > > >8. The most powerful force in the universe is gossip. > > > >9. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, > >gender, religion, economic status, or ethnic background, is that, deep = down > >inside, we all believe that we are above-average drivers. > > > >10. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to > >make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age 11. > > > >11. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness." > > > >12. People who want to share their religious views with you almost > >never want you to share yours with them. > > > >13. There apparently exists, somewhere in Los Angeles, a computer > >that generates concepts for television sitcoms. When TV executives need= a > >new concept, they turn on this computer; after sorting through millions > >of possible plot premises, it spits out, "THREE QUIRKY BUT ATTRACTIVE > >YOUNG PEOPLE LIVING IN AN APARTMENT," and the executives turn this conc= ept > >into a show. The next time they need an idea, the computer spits out, "= SIX > >QUIRKY BUT ATTRACTIVE YOUNG PEOPLE LIVING IN AN APARTMENT." Then the ne= xt > >time, it spits out, "FOUR QUIRKY BUT ATTRACTIVE YOUNG PEOPLE LIVING IN = AN > >APARTMENT." And so on. We need to locate this computer and destroy it > >with hammers. > > > >14. Nobody is normal. > > > >15. At least once per year, some group of scientists will become very > >excited and announce that: > > > > * The universe is even bigger than they thought! > > * There are even more subatomic particles than they thought! > > * Whatever they announced last year about global warming is > > wrong. > > > >16. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human > >race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word > >would be "meetings." > > > >17. The main accomplishment of almost all organized protests is to > >annoy people who are not in them. > > > >18. The value of advertising is that it tells you the exact opposite > >of what the advertiser actually thinks. For example: > > > > * If the advertisement says "This is not your father's > > Oldsmobile," the advertiser is desperately concerned that > > this Oldsmobile, like all other Oldsmobile's, appeals > > primarily to old farts like your father. > > > > * If Coke and Pepsi spend billions of dollars to convince > > you that there are significant differences between these two > > products, both companies realize that Pepsi and Coke are > > virtually identical. > > > > * If the advertisement strongly suggests that Nike shoes > > enable athletes to perform amazing feats, Nike wants you to > > disregard the fact that shoe brand is unrelated to athletic > > ability. > > > > * If Budweiser runs an elaborate advertising campaign > > stressing the critical importance of a beer's "born-on" > > date, Budweiser knows this factor has virtually nothing to > > do with how good a beer tastes. > > > >19. If there really is a God who created the entire universe with all > >of its glories, and He decides to deliver a message to humanity, He wil= l > >not use, as His messenger, a person on cable TV with a bad hairstyle. > > > >20. You should not confuse your career with your life. > > > >21. A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a > >nice person. > > > >22. No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too > >seriously. > > > >23. When trouble arises and things look bad, there is always one > >individual who perceives a solution and is willing to take command. Ver= y > >often, that individual is crazy. > > > >24. Your friends love you anyway. > > > >25. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance. -------------------- <!DOCTYPE HTML PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD W3 HTML//EN"> <HTML> <HEAD> <META content=3Dtext/html;charset=3Diso-8859-1 http-equiv=3DContent-Type><= !DOCTYPE HTML PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD W3 HTML//EN"><!DOCTYPE HTML PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD W= 3 HTML//EN"> <META content=3D'"MSHTML 4.72.3110.7"' name=3DGENERATOR> </HEAD> <BODY bgColor=3D#d8d0c8> <DIV> </DIV> <DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2><B>-----Original Message-----</B><BR><B>F= rom: </B>Shawn Michaelson <<A href=3D"mailto:[log in to unmask]">[log in to unmask]<= /A>> ;<BR><B>To: </B>Josh Miron <<A href=3D"mailto:[log in to unmask]">[log in to unmask]</A>><BR= ><B>Da te: </B>Thursday, November 05, 1998 9:08 AM<BR><B>Subject: </B>Fw: funny shit<BR><BR></DIV></FONT> <DIV> </DIV> <DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2><B>--</B></FONT></DIV> <DIV><FONT color=3D#000000 size=3D2></FONT> </DIV> <DIV><FONT color=3D#000000 size=3D2></FONT> </DIV> <DIV><FONT color=3D#000000 size=3D2><BR>> >25 things I have learned = in 50 years <BR>> >by Dave Barry<BR>> ><BR>> >1. The badness o= f a movie is directly proportional to the number of <BR>> >helicopters i= n it.<BR>> ><BR>> >2. You will never find anybody who can give y= ou a clear and<BR>> >compelling reason why we observe daylight-savings time.<BR>> ><BR>> >3. People who feel the need to tell you tha= t they have an excellent<BR>> >sense of humor are telling you that they hav= e no sense of humor.<BR>> ><BR>> >4. The most valuable function performed by the federal government is <BR>> >entertainment.<BR>> ><BR>&= gt; >5. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely<BR>>= >suggests you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby&nb= sp; <BR>> >emerging from her at that moment.<BR>> ><BR>> >6.= A penny saved is worthless.<BR>> ><BR>> >7. They can hold all th= e peace talks they want, but there will never<BR>> >be peace in the Mi= ddle East. Billions of years from now, when Earth is <BR>> >hurtling towa= rd the Sun and there is nothing left alive on the planet<BR>> >except a few= microorganisms, the microorganisms living in the Middle<BR>> >East w= ill be bitter enemies.<BR>> ><BR>> >8. The most powerful force in the= universe is gossip. <BR>> ><BR>> >9. The one thing that unites= all human beings, regardless of age,<BR>> >gender, religion, economic status, or ethnic background, is that, deep down<BR>> >inside, we all believ= e that we are above-average drivers.<BR>> ><BR>> >10. There comes a t= ime when you should stop expecting other people to<BR>> >make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age 11.<BR>> ><BR>> >11. There is = a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness." <BR>&g= t; ><BR>> >12. People who want to share their religious views with y= ou almost<BR>> >never want you to share yours with them.<BR>> ><BR>> >13. There apparently exists, somewhere in Los Angeles, a computer<BR>&= gt; >that generates concepts for television sitcoms. When TV executives nee= d a<BR>> >new concept, they turn on this computer; after sorting throu= gh millions<BR>> >of possible plot premises, it spits out, "THREE QUIRKY BUT ATTRACTIVE<BR>> >YOUNG PEOPLE LIVING IN AN APARTMENT," and = the executives turn this concept<BR>> >into a show. The next time they n= eed an idea, the computer spits out, "SIX<BR>> >QUIRKY BUT ATTRACTIVE YOUNG PEOPLE LIVING IN AN APARTMENT." Then the next<BR>> >time, it sp= its out, "FOUR QUIRKY BUT ATTRACTIVE YOUNG PEOPLE LIVING IN AN <BR>> >APARTMENT." And so on. We need to locate this computer and destro= y it<BR>> >with hammers.<BR>> ><BR>> >14. Nobody is normal.<BR>> ><BR>> >15. At least once per year, some group of= scientists will become very<BR>> >excited and announce that:<BR>>= ><BR>> > * The universe is even big= ger than they thought!<BR>> > * There are = even more subatomic particles than they thought! <BR>> > * Whatever they announced last year abo= ut global warming is <BR>> > wrong.<BR>> ><BR>> >16. If you had to identify, in one word, t= he reason why the human<BR>> >race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word<BR>> >would be "meetings."<BR>> ><BR>> >17. The main accomplishment of almost all organized prote= sts is to<BR>> >annoy people who are not in them.<BR>> ><BR>> >= 18. The value of advertising is that it tells you the exact opposite<BR>> >of what the advertiser actually thinks. For example:<BR>> ><BR>> > * If the advertisement says "This = is not your father's<BR>> > Oldsmobile,"= the advertiser is desperately concerned that <BR>> > this Oldsmobile, like all other Oldsmobile's, appeals<BR>> > primarily to old farts = like your father. <BR>> ><BR>> > * If Coke and Pepsi spend billions of dollars to convince<BR>> > you that there are significant differen= ces between these two <BR>> > products, bo= th companies realize that Pepsi and Coke are<BR>> > virtually identical.<BR>> ><BR>&g= t; > * If the advertisement strongly suggest= s that Nike shoes<BR>> > enable athletes to perform amazing feats, Nike wants you to <BR>> > &nbs= p; disregard the fact that shoe brand is unrelated to athletic <BR>> > ability.<BR>> ><BR>> > * If Budweiser runs an elaborate advertising campaign<BR>> > stressing the critical= importance of a beer's "born-on"<BR>> > date, Budweiser knows this factor has virtually nothing to <BR>> > do with h= ow good a beer tastes.<BR>> ><BR>> >19. If there really is a God = who created the entire universe with all<BR>> >of its glories, and He decides to deliver a message to humanity, He will<BR>> >not use, as His messenger, a person on cable TV with a bad hairstyle.<BR>> ><BR>> >20. Yo= u should not confuse your career with your life. <BR>> ><BR>> >2= 1. A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a<BR>> >ni= ce person.<BR>> ><BR>> >22. No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too <BR>> >seriously.<BR>> ><BR>> >23. = When trouble arises and things look bad, there is always one<BR>> >indivi= dual who perceives a solution and is willing to take command. Very <BR>> >often, that individual is crazy.<BR>> ><BR>> >24. Your fri= ends love you anyway.<BR>> ><BR>> >25. Nobody cares if you can't da= nce well. Just get up and dance.</FONT></DIV></BODY></HTML> --part0_910309113_boundary--