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Ivan, try to keep calm and not burn yourself out this way. I know you are panicking and worried. You are probably not taking your meds on time, causing your state of mind to be affected. You are a smart person, keep yourself under control before you get Baker acted! I am 100% serious. You MUST find out what your legal rights are, and act accordingly. Maybe you would be better off for a short time to be in a nursing home, to get you back on track and to be able to relax? You have obviously had a lot of problems due to homophobia of many people. This does NOT mean that everyone feels this way. Try to rebuild relations with your family, maybe they are uncomfortable with your being gay, but they must realize that your current problems have nothing to do with that. I don't know your brothers, or father, but I would hope they have the human decency to get past their feelings and give you some help, to the best of their ability. If the greater part of 1600 folks who are not related, want to help you, your flesh and blood relatives should be compelled to do their part. Have you tried to find caregivers who can work a partial shift? Maybe a night worker who can work 3 or 4 hours on the way to or from another job? Can you get them paid for 8 hours and let them work less? Have you contacted local Synagogues and asked for volunteers to just help you for a few hours a week? It is obvious, you are trying very hard to do whatever you can to help yourself, and many of us on the list are trying to come up with solutions. If you were willing to move near your father, or a brother, would they be willing and able to help you? You might be able to rent your house out to tenants, and return later. You'll get through this, and be stronger for it, don't lose hope now. Ken B