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Hi to all the children of PWP.

A number of children have written to ask how to deal with their Dads and
their reactions to the concerns of their children.

As a Clinical and Social Psychologist, and a worker in the health field
specializing in PWP and their families, I will offer some ideas, that maybe
helpful. First, it is very important to keep in mind the many variables
involved in such situations. Probably every one is very different, and
their set of circumstances are equally varied. Age, Social Economic Status,
Occupation, "Pre-morbid" Personality, Family Dynamics, Cultural Dynamics,
and Community Programs, along with Personal Philosophical Belief Systems.

Having said that, I would suggest that you children learn as much as you
can about Parkinson's Disease, perhaps attending local support groups, and
talk to PWP before you approach a discussion with your Dads. Look into the
Caregivers web site for additional emotional support. Perhaps you can
explore the "feeling state" and understand that feelings are not
necessarily rational, but in actuality more powerful than rationality.
Understand that most cultures in this world of ours place men in the
position of protectors and providers, in a sense we are defined by how well
we do such. Most men abhor their state of dependence, we feel guilty, we
feel ashamed, we feel impotent, and of little use. Most men are slow to
learn that we have attributes that are held in esteem by others. Most of
the time we do not take kindly to the idea of causing difficulty to others
that we love. The resistance to discussion on the part of your fathers is a
way of defending against dealing with the intensity of, and complexity of
what is felt. Even those of us with special training in "Human Nature" fall
victim, to self imposed standards of "male being". Most of us have a very
difficult time acknowledging our needy-ness.

We need, you, our children to be patient with us, perhaps more patient then
we have been with you. Try to find an activity that you both can do
together, one on one time is very important. Try not to be unrealistic in
expectations, please go slow with us, we are undergoing many changes.

I hope this is helpful to you, our children that are loved so very much.
Your question, of itself,
speaks of your love of us, and is indeed humbling.

Thank you for asking.