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Joan, Your comments have really struck a chord in me - they are so poignant. Maybe because lately I've been having similar thoughts. My parents are no longer alive - my father was 54 ;when he died, my mother 62, and I miss them, but in a way I'm almost glad that they are not here to see me now. Just ;the other day I was contemplating my lot in life, and the fate of my children, and I got to thinking, what must my mother have thought about my future, when she was 45 and I was 15. And I am sure it was nothing like this. I know she pictured me in a house in the suburbs, with 3 kids and 3 servants - two maids and a gardener/handyman (remember this is South AFrica in the 60's, when I was 15). ANd I would be married to a man who earned enough to keep us in this style so that I wouldn't have to work, but I would be on the PTA, and belong to the book club, and play bridge (or maybe mahjongg) and take the kids to soccer, and swimming, and music lessons and ballet - and the whole shpiel. ANd look at me, do I resemble that dream of hers in any way - maybe the 3 kids, but that's it. Cancer took my husband, Foster Care has two of my kids, foreclosure took the house, and PD got me. and even South AFrica isn't the same any more - at least that's one good thing! WHat I've learned from all this - you just have to take it as it comes, and make the best of it. C'est la vie. Best wishes,' Hilary Blue (49/25/16) ----------------------------------------------------------------------- Stan or Joan Snyder wrote: > > Hello again: This train of thought has been on my mind constantly since > the discussion started. My situation is somewhat the reverse of what > adult children of PWP are dealing with, but I think that my experiences > will perhaps shed some light on why you can't seem to "connect" with > your parents. My mother lives with us & she is a saint by every > definition of the word; she folds laundry, makes beds & meals when I'm > not up to it. She would love to help more, but I often find it > impossible to accept her well intentioned offer of a hand or a gentle > shove to get me moving again when I freeze; preferring, instead, to > struggle thru & do it myself or sometimes it's even easier to accept > help from a friend rather than from my mom. I suppose that it is all > mixed up with roles (I should be helping her instead of her helping me) > & with how painful it is for me to have to watch her watch me. > I have, I'm afraid left her struggling for a simple explanation that I > just can't get out because of my drooling or ineptitude with the spoken > words anymore. I'm sure that I've caused her more heartache by shutting > her out rather than by allowing her to witness how bad it can get, at > times. And, it seems that it is easier to be stoic when I must do for > myself than to relax my guard & fall into those gentle, caring eyes & > just let mommy take care of it-just like she did when I was little; > sometimes, I think that would be the easiest thing in the world to > do...but in reality, I know that I'm 47 years old with kids of my own > that I must be strong for. > -Joan Snyder (47/10/8) <[log in to unmask]> > "Do or do not. There is no try." Yoda > http://www.newcountry.nu/pd/members/snyder/page1.htm