This is a multi-part message in MIME format. ------=_NextPart_000_0114_01BE1254.45CBF5A0 Content-Type: text/plain; charset="iso-8859-1" Content-Transfer-Encoding: quoted-printable >> Why do people love to tell lawyer jokes? There is something >> about this respected profession that commands our >> disrespect. One must always be careful about offending >> lawyers, of course, because you wouldn't want to face one in >> court. Or would you? >> >> Here are some actual exchanges between lawyers and witnesses >> in the court room. Perhaps they ain't so bright after >> all.... >> >> >> 1. "Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his >> sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?" >> >> 2. "The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he?" >> >> 3. "Were you present when your picture was taken?" >> >> 4. Q: "Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you >> check for a pulse?" >> A: "No." >> Q: "Did you check for blood pressure?" >> A: "No." >> Q: "Did you check for breathing?" >> A: "No." >> Q: "So, then it is possible that the patient was alive >> when you began the autopsy?" >> A: "No." >> Q: "How can you be so sure, Doctor?" >> A: "Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar." >> Q: "But could the patient have still been alive >> nevertheless?" >> A: "It is possible that he could have been alive and >> practicing law somewhere." >> >> 5. "Was it you or your younger brother who was killed in the >> war?" >> >> 6. "Did he kill you?" >> >> 7. "How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the >> collision?" >> >> 8. "You were there until the time you left, is that true?" >> >> 9. "How many times have you committed suicide?" >> >> 10. Q: "So the date of conception (of the baby) was August >> 8th?" >> A: "Yes." >> Q: "And what were you doing at that time?" >> >> 11. Q: "She had three children, right?" >> A: "Yes." >> Q: "How many were boys?" >> A: "None." >> Q: "Were there any girls?" >> >> 12. Q: "You say the stairs went down to the basement?" >> A: "Yes." >> Q: "And these stairs, did they go up also?" >> >> 13. Q: "Mr. Slatery, you went on a rather elaborate >> honeymoon, didn't you?" >> A: "I went to Europe, Sir." >> Q: "And you took your new wife?" >> >> 14. Q: "How was your first marriage terminated?" >> A: "By death." >> Q: "And by who's death was it terminated?" >> >> 15. Q: "Can you describe the individual?" >> A: "He was about medium height and had a beard." >> Q: "Was this a male, or a female?" >> >> 16. Q: "Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a >> deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?" >> A: "No, this is how I dress when I go to work." >> >> 17. Q: "Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on >> dead people?" >> A: "All my autopsies are performed on dead people." >> >> 18. Q: "All your responses must be oral, OK? What school >> did you go to?" >> A: "Oral." >> >> 19. Q: "Do you recall the time that you examined the body?" >> A: "The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.." >> Q: "And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?" >> A: "No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was >> doing an autopsy." >> >> 20. Q: "Are you qualified to give a urine sample?" >> A: "I have been since early childhood." >> >> > ------=_NextPart_000_0114_01BE1254.45CBF5A0 Content-Type: text/html; charset="iso-8859-1" Content-Transfer-Encoding: quoted-printable <!DOCTYPE HTML PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD W3 HTML//EN"> <HTML> <HEAD> <META content=3Dtext/html;charset=3Diso-8859-1 = http-equiv=3DContent-Type> <META content=3D'"MSHTML 4.72.3110.7"' name=3DGENERATOR> </HEAD> <BODY bgColor=3D#ffffff> <DIV>>> Why do people love to tell lawyer jokes? There is=20 something<BR>>> about this respected profession that = commands=20 our<BR>>> disrespect. One must always be careful about=20 offending<BR>>> lawyers, of course, because you wouldn't = want to=20 face one in<BR>>> court. Or would = you?<BR>>><BR>>> =20 Here are some actual exchanges between lawyers and = witnesses<BR>>> =20 in the court room. Perhaps they ain't so bright after<BR>>> =20 all....<BR>>><BR>>><BR>>> 1. "Now doctor, = isn't it=20 true that when a person dies in his<BR>>> sleep, he doesn't = know=20 about it until the next morning?"<BR>>><BR>>> 2.=20 "The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is=20 he?"<BR>>><BR>>> 3. "Were you present when = your=20 picture was taken?"<BR>>><BR>>> 4. Q: = "Doctor,=20 before you performed the autopsy, did you<BR>>> check for a=20 pulse?"<BR>>> A:=20 "No."<BR>>> Q: "Did = you check=20 for blood pressure?"<BR>>> A:=20 "No."<BR>>> Q: "Did = you check=20 for breathing?"<BR>>> A:=20 "No."<BR>>> Q: "So, = then it=20 is possible that the patient was=20 alive<BR>>> = when you=20 began the autopsy?"<BR>>> A:=20 "No."<BR>>> Q: "How = can you=20 be so sure, Doctor?"<BR>>> A:=20 "Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a=20 jar."<BR>>> Q: "But could = the=20 patient have still been=20 alive<BR>>> =20 nevertheless?"<BR>>> A: = "It is=20 possible that he could have been alive=20 and<BR>>> = practicing=20 law somewhere."<BR>>><BR>>> 5. "Was it you = or your=20 younger brother who was killed in the<BR>>> =20 war?"<BR>>><BR>>> 6. "Did he kill=20 you?"<BR>>><BR>>> 7. "How far apart were the = vehicles at the time of the<BR>>> =20 collision?"<BR>>><BR>>> 8. "You were there = until the=20 time you left, is that true?"<BR>>><BR>>> 9. = "How=20 many times have you committed = suicide?"<BR>>><BR>>> 10.=20 Q: "So the date of conception (of the baby) was = August<BR>>> =20 8th?"<BR>>> A:=20 "Yes."<BR>>> Q: "And = what=20 were you doing at that time?"<BR>>><BR>>> 11. Q:=20 "She had three children,=20 right?"<BR>>> A:=20 "Yes."<BR>>> Q: "How = many=20 were boys?"<BR>>> A:=20 "None."<BR>>> Q: = "Were there=20 any girls?"<BR>>><BR>>> 12. Q: "You say the = stairs=20 went down to the = basement?"<BR>>> A:=20 "Yes."<BR>>> Q: "And = these=20 stairs, did they go up also?"<BR>>><BR>>> 13. Q:=20 "Mr. Slatery, you went on a rather elaborate<BR>>> = honeymoon,=20 didn't you?"<BR>>> A: = "I=20 went to Europe, Sir."<BR>>> Q:=20 "And you took your new wife?"<BR>>><BR>>> = 14. Q:=20 "How was your first marriage=20 terminated?"<BR>>> A: "By=20 death."<BR>>> Q: "And by = who's=20 death was it terminated?"<BR>>><BR>>> 15. Q: = "Can=20 you describe the = individual?"<BR>>> A:=20 "He was about medium height and had a=20 beard."<BR>>> Q: "Was this = a male,=20 or a female?"<BR>>><BR>>> 16. Q: "Is your = appearance=20 here this morning pursuant to a<BR>>> deposition notice = which I sent=20 to your attorney?"<BR>>> A: = "No,=20 this is how I dress when I go to = work."<BR>>><BR>>> 17.=20 Q: "Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed = on<BR>>> dead=20 people?"<BR>>> A: "All my=20 autopsies are performed on dead = people."<BR>>><BR>>> 18.=20 Q: "All your responses must be oral, OK? What=20 school<BR>>> did you go=20 to?"<BR>>> A:=20 "Oral."<BR>>><BR>>> 19. Q: "Do you = recall the=20 time that you examined the = body?"<BR>>> =20 A: "The autopsy started around 8:30=20 p.m.."<BR>>> Q: "And Mr.=20 Dennington was dead at the = time?"<BR>>> =20 A: "No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I = was<BR>>> =20 doing an autopsy."<BR>>><BR>>> 20. Q: "Are = you=20 qualified to give a urine=20 sample?"<BR>>> A: "I have = been=20 since early=20 childhood."<BR>>><BR>>><BR>><BR></DIV></BODY></HTML> ------=_NextPart_000_0114_01BE1254.45CBF5A0--