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Bill H. I was deeply moved by your commentary, "Journey to Wellness." I have a hunch that you touched a great many of our Cyber-Sibs with your "from the heart" feelings and thoughts. Thanks for sharing, for the candor, and for the inspiration... Barb Mallut [log in to unmask] -----Original Message----- From: Bill Harrington <[log in to unmask]> To: Multiple recipients of list PARKINSN <[log in to unmask]> Date: Monday, November 23, 1998 2:36 AM Subject: for new pd'rs >Journey to Wellness > >When diagnosed with Parkinson's >I vowed to fight it every inch >despite all I read >incurable, progressive >all the medical horror stories >doctors told me (for my own good) >even the atrocities I saw >inflicted on some victims >I stubbornly insisted >it would not conquer me >I would be the exception >not only that, this was my fight >and I didn't need any help >from anyone... > >eight years later >the realization >I gravely underestimated it >I had fought exhausting battles >claiming occasional small victories >in an endless war, I could not win >instead of retreating, gradually, gracefully >I sallied forth on attack >a medical General Custer >surrounded outnumbered >increasingly humiliating defeats >my pride decimated >I cried out for help too late >the disease had a stronghold within me >a malevolent, cancer-like presence >it delighted in my despair >laughed at my tears >my bitter disappointments, its greatest triumphs >shrewd and calculating >cunningly persuasive >it turned my body against me >clouded my mind with morbid thoughts >arrogantly patient, knowing time was on its side >my pain gave it sadistic joy >it liked me to be afraid >of the all too real physical pain >but much worse >right from the start >this uninvited guest looked into my heart >to see what I dreaded the most >so it could make it happen >and discover what I loved best >so it could take it away >armed with that knowledge >it tortured me for years >I tried to reason with it >threatened cajoled begged bargained >but it is a formless darkness >driven by unreasoning hatred >it knows no mercy or pity >two years ago, it was nearly triumphant >I surrendered, tried to take my own life >I had no faith in myself or God >but He hadn't given up on me >he provided both a second chance >and the blessing of a new friend >who taught me that you only lose >when you give up >you never lose when you reach out to help others >if they turn away it is their loss >when you connect, you both win >armed with that knowledge >I started my journey back to wellness >I may never beat this terrible disease >but it can only make my life hell >if I let it > >Bill Harrington >