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Subject: Minnesota humor Sven was going for his morning walk one day when he walked past Ole's house and saw a sign that said "Boat For Sale." This confused Sven because he knew that Ole didn't own a boat, so he finally decided to go in and ask Ole about it. "Hey Ole," said Sven, "I noticed da sign in your yard dat says 'Boat For Sale', but ya don't even have a boat. All ya have is your ol' John Deere tractor and combine." Ole replied "Yup, and they're boat for sale." ****************************************** Sven got a new truck ya know. So he called up Ole and says "Ole, I got me a new truck! Do ya vant to go ice fishin' vit me?" "Sure!" says Ole. So Ole went with Sven (Lena came along too cuz' she was doin' nuttin anyway). So Ole and Lena sat in the front of the truck and Sven sat in the back. Then they were on the ice when all of a sudden the truck went right the ice! So even though Ole and Lena are pretty big people they managed to get out of the truck, and they were waiting for Sven at the top when he finally popped up. Ole says, "Sven vat took you so long!" "Vell", says Sven, "It took me a while to figure out how to open da tail gate." ****************************************** One day Ole goes in to see his doctor. Ole says, "Doc, I just don't know vat to do. Lena and me, vell, our sex life just ain't going dat vell." The doctor says, "Ole, all you need is some exercise. I want you to walk ten miles every day. You give me a call in a week and let me know how you're doing." So, a week later the phone rings and the doctor answers it. A voice on the other end says, "Doc, dis is Ole." The doctor says, "Hello Ole. Have you been walking ten miles every day?" Ole says,"Yes." The doctor asks, "And has your sex life improved?" Ole replies, "Well, how da hell vould I know? I'm seventy miles avay from home!" ****************************************** Lena passed away and Ole called 911. The 911 operator told Ole that she would send someone out right away. "Where do you live?" asked the operator. Ole replied, "At da end of Eucalyptus Drive." The operator asked, "Can you spell that for me?" There was a long pause and finally Ole said, "How 'bout if I drag her over to Oak Street and you pick her up der?" ****************************************** Ole was fishing with Sven in a rented boat. They could not catch a thing. Ole said, "Let's go a bit furder down stream." So they did and they caught many monstrous fish. They had their limit so they went home. On the way home Sven said, "I marked de spot right in de middle of de boat Ole." "You Stupid," said Ole, "How do you know ve vill get da same boat next time!" ****************************************** Ole and Lena's bull took sick and died, so they needed to go to the auction to buy a new one. Ole had to get the crops in and couldn't leave the farm, so Lena took the train to the city to buy a bull. If she was successful, she would take the train back to the farm, then she and Ole would go to town with the truck to pick up their newly purchased bull. The bidding was furious at the livestock auction, and Lena found herself bidding on the last remaining bull. It took everything she had but ten cents, but she was finally the successful bidder. Unfortunately, the train home was fifty cents. "Please, Mr. Conductor, couldn't you make an exception just vunce?" pleaded Lena. "Sorry lady," he replied, "but you can send your husband a telegram to tell him your problem. The office is just down the street." At the Telegraph office, Lena asked, "Mister, how many vords can I send to my husband for a dime?" "It's ten cents a word," the clerk answered. Lena pondered her dilemma, then finally said, "OK, here's da message: "COMFORTABLE". *************************************** Ole went to a doctor at Mayo Clinic: "I've got a problem. I have a bowel movement at 6 in da morning every day." Doctor: "That sounds perfectly normal. Why are you so worried about it?" Ole: "Yah, but I don't vake up until 7." *************************************** Ole and Lena were laying in bed one night when the phone rang, Ole answered it and Lena heard him yell, "Vell, how da hell should I know, dats over 2,000 miles away" and he hung up. Lena say's "Who was dat Ole?" Ole say's "Hell if I know, some veirdo wants ta know if da coast is clear." ______________________________________________________ Get Your Private, Free Email at http://www.hotmail.com