OK, Darwin, you asked for it......... A POLICE REPORT A blonde phoned police to report that thieves had been in her car. "They've stolen the dashboard, the steering wheel, the brake pedal, even the accelerator," she cried out. However, before the police investigation could start, the phone rang a second time and the same voice came over the line. "Never mind, I got in the back seat by mistake." ================= THE BLONDE STEWARDESS An airline captain was breaking in a very pretty new blonde stewardess; the route they were flying had a stay-over in another city. Upon their arrival the captain showed the stewardess the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight. The next morning as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day's route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up wondering what happened to her. She answered the phone, crying, and said she couldn't get out of her room. "You can't get out of your room?" the captain asked, "Why not?" The stewardess replied: "There are only three doors in here," she sobbed, "one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says "Do Not Disturb'! =================== THE JOB INTERVIEW A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead all tried out for the same job as road stripers. The boss told them they would all work for three days and whoever painted the most would get the job. At the end of the first day, the redhead had painted 3 miles, the brunette had painted 2.5 miles, and the blond had painted 10 miles . The boss was so excited he told the blonde to keep it up and the job was hers. The next day the red head painted 5 miles, the brunette 5.6 miles, and the blonde 4 miles. He told the blonde not to worry you still have a good lead. So, on the third day the redhead had painted 6 miles, the brunette 5 miles, and the blonde only one mile. The boss was so disappointed, he asked the blonde, "What went wrong, you were doing so good?" She said, "Well, that bucket of paint keeps getting further and further away." ============== A blonde woman walks into a store. Curious about a shiny object, she asks, "What is that?" The store clerk responds, "It's a thermos." The blonde then asks, "What does it do?" The clerk says "It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold." So she buys one. The next day, she brings it to work with her. Her boss, also a blonde, asks, "What is that shiny object?" She replies "It's a thermos." He asks, "What does it do?" She says, "It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold." He then asks, "What do you have in there?" "Two cups of coffee and a popsicle." ---------------------- BLONDES! That Girl was so Blonde : She sent me a Fax with a stamp on it She thought a quarterback was a refund She tried to put M & M's in alphabetical order She tripped over a cordless phone She put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to make up her mind She told me to meet her at the corner of " Walk and Don't walk " They had to burn the school-house down to get her out of third grade She took a ruler to bed with her to see how long she slept At the bottom of the application where it says " sign here " she put Sagittarius When she heard that 90 % of all crimes occur around the home- she moved When she took me to the airport and saw the sign that said " Airport Left " she turned around and went home Hear about the Blonde that bought an A M Radio ? It took her a month to realize she could play it at night Why do Blondes like lightning ? They think someone is taking their picture . Why did the Blonde scale the chain-link fence ? To see what was on the other side How do you get a Blonde to laugh at a joke on Saturday ? Tell her the joke on Wednesday ------------------------------ Ben McKeen That's all folks