 |
 |
I got this from another group I belong to. Enjoy ---------------forward------------------- > > A THANKSGIVING POEM > > > > Twas the night of Thanksgiving, but I just couldn't sleep > > I tried counting backwards, I tried counting sheep. > > > > The leftovers beckoned -- the dark meat and white, > > but I fought the temptation with all of my might. > > > > Tossing and turning with anticipation, > > the thought of a snack became infatuation. > > > > So, I raced to the kitchen, flung open the door > > and gazed at the fridge, full of goodies galore. > > > > I gobbled up turkey and buttered potatoes, > > pickles and carrots, beans and tomatoes. > > > > I felt myself swelling so plump and so round, > > till all of a sudden, I rose off the ground. > > > > I crashed through the ceiling, floating into the sky > > With a mouthful of pudding and a handful of pie > > > > But, I managed to yell as I soared past the trees .... > > happy eating to all -- pass the cranberries, please! > > > > > > =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= > > > > > YOU CAN OVER-DO THANKSGIVING IF... > > > > * You spill more food on you than the local soup kitchen dispenses > > > > * Paramedics bring in the Jaws of Life to pry you out of the EZ-Boy > > > > * Your after dinner moans are loud enough to signal Dr. Kevorkian > > > > * The "Gravy Boat" your wife set out was a real 12' boat! > > > > * The potatoes you used set off another famine in Ireland > > > > * You get grass stains on your bottom after a walk, but never sat down > > > > * Your "Big Elvis Super-Belt" won't even go around your waist > > > > * You receive a Sumo Wrestler application in your e-mail > > > > * You set off 3 earthquake seismographs on your morning jog Friday > > > > * Pricking your finger for cholesterol screening only yielded gravy > > > > * You have 5 TV sets side-by-side to catch all the football games > > > > * A guest quotes a Biblical passage from "The Feeding of the 5000" > > > > * That rash on your stomach turns out to be steering wheel burn > > > > * Your wife wears a life jacket at night in your water bed > > > > * Representatives from the Butterball Hall of Fame called twice > > > > * You consider gluttony as your patriotic duty > > > > * It looks like the left-overs are gonna last until Christmas > > > > * Your arms are too short to reach the keyboard & delete this > > > > =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= > > > > DEFINITIONS FOR HUSBANDS ON THANKSGIVING DAY > > > > > > PLAYBOOK: Also known as my cookbook, to be kept in plain sight at > > all times, if the book gets moved, the game could get ugly. > > > > OFFSIDES: Silverware is to be set next to the plates... off to the > > side dear, not tossed in the middle of the table in a heap, for all > > to scramble for. > > > > GAME TIME: This is when the food must all be on the table, at the > > same time, at the same temperature (preferably hot) so that the > > *teams* may meet at the arena (Table) for the coach to say the > > prayer. > > > > TEAM SPIRIT: That which shall be upheld until the END of the game. > > When the coach (ME) has heard the fat lady sing (AUNT MARTHA saying > > that she's had enough to eat). > > > > COMMERCIAL BREAKS: There will be NONE for us, until I deem them > > totally necessary for my sanity, when you have made me crazy! > > > > PENALTIES: Will be given if there is no team spirit showing and the > > game time is DELAYED or offsides have occurred due to a certain > > *televised* football game engaging your attention! > > > > HOLDING: May be necessary of several large bowls, so that I may pour > > gravy without staining my new silk blouse. And keep in mind dear, I > > am HOLDING the clicker for the T.V. for ransom ;). > > > > TOUCHDOWNS: Please make them gentle when bowls are being touched > > down on the table, do not spike them, do not dance when the mission > > is complete! > > > > FLAG ON THE PLAY: When something is spilled, PLEASE by all means > > throw a towel down on it and mop it up! > > > > RUSHING: What we will be doing a lot of!! > > > > and last but not least... > > > > GROOMING THE FIELD: Dear husband, if you help me through this meal, > > as I know you will, I promise to RECRUIT new players for the clean up > > and YES... in plenty of time for you to enjoy the REAL GAME!!! > > > > > > > =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= > > > > > THERE GOES THE WALLPAPER > > > > TULSA, OK (DPI) - In what is becoming more and more common on > > holidays here in America, an entire family exploded shortly after > > finishing their Thanksgiving dinner. Investigators from the Tulsa > > Sheriff Department said that, while the sheer size of the meal > > certainly played a part in the Turkey Day Massacre, the straw that > > broke the gobbler's back was in fact the whipped cream on the top of > > the pumpkin pie. Sheriff Bill Gutt commented, "Yep, it was the > > Cool-Whip what done it. People just ain't got no common sense." > > > > > > > > > --------- End forwarded message ---------- >