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I think Santa Claus is a woman.... > >I hate to be the one to defy sacred myth, but I believe he's a she. > >Think about it. Christmas is a big, organized, warm, fuzzy, nurturing social >deal, and I have a tough time believing a guy could possible pull it all off! > >For starters, the vast majority of men don't even think about selecting gifts >until Christmas Eve. Once at the mall, they always seem surprised to find >only Ronco products, socket wrench sets, and mood rings left on the shelves. >On this count alone, I'm convinced Santa is a woman. > >Surely, if he were a man, everyone in the universe would wake up Christmas >morning to find a rotating musical Chia Pet under the tree, still in the bag. >Another problem for a he-Santa would be getting there. First of all, there >would be no reindeer because they would all be dead, gutted and strapped on to >the rear bumper of the sleigh amid wide-eyed, desperate claims that buck >season had been extended. Blitzen's rack would already be on the way to the >taxidermist. > >Even if the male Santa DID have reindeer, he'd still have transportation >problems because he would inevitably get lost up there in the snow and clouds >and then refuse to stop and ask for directions. > >Other reasons why Santa can't possibly be a man: > >` *Men can't pack a bag. > *Men would rather be dead than caught wearing red velvet. > *Men would feel their masculinity is threatened having to be seen with all >those elves. > *Men don't answer their mail. > *Men would refuse to allow their physique to be described even in jest as > anything remotely resembling a "bowlful of jelly." > *Men aren't interested in stockings unless somebody's wearing them. > *Having to do the Ho Ho Ho thing would seriously inhibit their ability to >pick up women. > *Finally, being responsible for Christmas would require a commitment. > > >I can buy the fact that other mythical holiday characters are men.... > > ^ Father Time shows up once a year unshaven and looking ominous. > Definite guy. > ^ Cupid flies around carrying weapons. > ^ Uncle Sam is a politician who likes to point fingers. > >Any one of these individuals could pass the testosterone screening test.