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How about..."If you have Parkinson's press any key repeatedly"?

>
>        I was sent the following.  Enjoy and see the humour in it.
>
>        Gerrit Kleynscheldt
>
>        Tel:    +27 21 947 8918 (Local 021 947 8918)
>        Fax:    +27 21 947 1521 (Local 021 947 1521)
>
>        Please note the following:
>        Because e-mail can be altered electronically,
>        the integrity of this communication cannot be guaranteed.
>
>
>        A transcript of the new telephone answering service recently
>installed at a Mental Health Institute..
>        "Hello,  and welcome to the mental health hotline. We would like to
>help you and ask you to please follow the following instructions:
>
>        If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.
>
>        If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.
>
>        If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6.
>
>        If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. We will
>send someone for you.
>
>        If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transferred to
>the mother ship.
>        If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a small voice will
>give you further instructions.
>        If you are a manic-depressive, press any number.  No-one will
>answer. No-one will help you. It is no good.  What is the purpose anyway.
>        If you are dyslexic, press 9696969696969. Tree thimes.
>        If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the hash key
>until a representative comes on the line.
>        If you have amnesia press 8 and state your name, address, phone
>number, date of birth, social security number and your mother's maiden name.
>
>        If you have post-traumatic stress disorder, slowly and carefully
>press 020.
>        If you have bi-polar disorder, please leave a message after the beep
>or before the beep.  Or after the beep.  Please wait for the beep.
>        If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
>        If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
>
>        If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
>
>        If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
>
>        If you have low self esteem.  Please hang up.  All our operators are
>too busy to talk to you.
>
>        If you have Parkinsons ...(suggestions?)
>
>