This is so true. I hope that you enjoy it as much as I did.
Linda cg Ben 69/5
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To: [log in to unmask]
Date: Tuesday, January 05, 1999 8:33 PM
Subject: Getting old isn't a picnic
Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.
Insanity is my only means of relaxation.
Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get.
Blessed are those who hunger and thirst, for they are sticking to
their diets.
You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking
chair that you once got from a roller coaster.
Perhaps you know why women over fifty don't have babies: They would
put them down somewhere and forget where they left them.
My mind not only wanders, sometimes it leaves completely.
Every time I think about exercise, I lie down til the thought goes
away.
God put me on earth to accomplish a certain number of things.
Right now I am so far behind, I will live forever.
It's frustrating when you know all the answers, but nobody
bothers to ask you the questions.
If you can remain calm, you just don't have all the facts.
Stress reducer: Put a bag on your head. Mark it "Closed for
remodeling." **Caution - Leave air holes.
I finally got my head together, and my body fell apart.
There cannot be a crisis this week; my schedule is already full.
The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing in the
right place, but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at
the tempting moment.
The best way to forget all your troubles is to wear tight shoes.
The nice part of living in a small town is that when I don't know
what I'm doing, someone else does.
The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then
your body and your fat are really good friends.
Age doesn't always bring wisdom. Sometimes age comes alone.
Just when I was getting used to yesterday, along came today.
Sometimes I think I understand everything, then I regain
consciousness.
You don't stop laughing because you grow old; you grow old because
you stop laughing.
I don't mind the rat race, but I could do with a little more cheese.
I had to give up jogging for my health. My thighs kept rubbing
together and setting my pantyhose on fire.
WOMEN: Remember, as we get older we no longer have hot flashes.
We now have power surges.
Amazing! You just hang something in your closet for a while, and
it shrinks two sizes.
Age is important only if you're a cheese.
Freedom of the press means no-iron clothes.
Inside some of us is a thin person struggling to get out, but she can
usually be sedated with a few pieces of chocolate cake.
Seen it all, done it all, can't remember most of it.
