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hi linda At 00:07 99/01/12 -0600, you wrote, in part: >Janet you said: >>which messages in particular have given you cause to worry? >>how have they been 'different'? > >Well, I guess for one thing, when making a few changes to the list was >brought up, you seemed to get really uptight. I know I get that way with >things that I think I have put a lot of time & love into something & then >someone comes along and tries to suggest changes. I am a big one for >resisting change of any kind. I like things "the way we've always done >them."... i am not against change per se and i am not against considering change in fact i am all for an open re-thinking and fine-tuning of anything in my life that is mine to 'work on' i don't see the pd list as mine or anyone else's to 'work on' so in a sense i have been coming to barb's defense because the list is so important to me i also saw the kefuffle becoming hurtful to other cyber-siblings so in a sense i have been 'speaking' for them as well >... And, too, I'll admit, when the fur is >flying on a list, I tend to back WAY off.... i doubt that anyone would say that this trait is applicable to me! when i feel deeply [positive or negative] about something i feel compelled to speak >...But today, I seemed to pick up on more hurt than anger when >discussing the list. I just think your feeling have a lot to do >with something else & not what button we use to reply to one >another. I may be all wet & don't know what I am talking about. i can't put a finger on the 'hurt' that you perceive in my last 10 posts i have tried to express confusion, gratitude, indignation, sadness, concern, caring, anger >But I just keep feeling that while you are always there to >give hope & encouragement to others, you are in need of a >little of the same for yourself. You are always the giver, >& maybe it's time to let someone give to you. i feel that i have a lot to give it's a deep well, no chance of running dry my tendency when feeling hurt [or if the cd slime gets a hold] is to 'hermit' so if i am speaking my mind you can generally rest assured that i am feeling pretty spunky therefore vocal = spunky unvocal = unspunky >I do not do well at expressing myself. Things sort of run >around in my head & I can't quite get them to come out my >fingertips. I hope you can understand what I am trying to >say. I do care how you feel. i can't tell you how much this means to me i truly appreciate your concern maybe your own worries about anger rose to the fore when i showed some anger of my own? we women have been discouraged from assertiveness and aggressiveness for so long that anger can seem like a foreign language or something that is only dished out by others anger is not 'bad' per se but it needs to be carefully monitored as to its origins how are we doing so far, sis? janet janet paterson - 51 now /41 dx /37 onset - almonte/ontario/canada <http://www.newcountry.nu/pd/members/janet/index.htm> [log in to unmask]