Janet wrote in part:
janet{
therefore
vocal = spunky
unvocal = unspunky
>I do not do well at expressing myself. Things sort of run
>around in my head & I can't quite get them to come out my
>fingertips. I hope you can understand what I am trying to
>say. I do care how you feel.
i can't tell you how much this means to me
i truly appreciate your concern
maybe your own worries about anger rose to the fore
when i showed some anger of my own?
we women have been discouraged from assertiveness and aggressiveness
for so long that anger can seem like a foreign language
or something that is only dished out by others
anger is not 'bad' per se
but it needs to be carefully monitored
as to its origins
}janet
assertiveness is spunky in my definitions/labels/glossary - and is
recommended by David Burns, Bob Alberti (book titled "Your Perfect
Right") [Dr Bob is coincidentally co-grandparent of 3 of my
step-grandchildren], Laura Schlesinger, and myself - as well as Janet.
aggressiveness is not recommended by many other than advocates of war or
contestants in "sports". i do not have much positive in thought or
feeling regarding aggression.
it seems to me that 'acting out' anger is aggression. choosing to
exhibit dominance amongst males is not species limited - except for
numerous exceptions in both the size and strength as well as wit and
cunning abstracts of reality.
assertiveness is civilized pacific (peaceful) non-violent expression of
anger - with expression of the degree of feeling angry about random bad
luck (chance event) - or unfair action by another or a group.
for instance, i am asserting that change is long overdue to stop the
wrong/unethical subsidizing of the highest-payment recipients by the
federal government non-sane "COLA" mis-calculation. This wage-price
spiral is not logical and the escalation of the bases when constant
basis is the correct mathematics has diverged incomes greatly,
'legalized' usurious incomes by the powerful - and worsened the lot of
the majority for circa 30 years! if you wish to learn more, there is
much in my web site.
my anger about this injustice is not eating away at my insides. it is of
major importance (in my notsohumble opinion) and is my crusade to lobby
for reform - along with the crusade to stimulate the research to find
the causes and the cures for neurodegenerative diseases.
janet, your defense against salesmen is aggressive in part. this may be
unladylike or some other labeling from the parent in some psyches
(parent, adult, child transactional analysis paradigm or analogy). some
will not agree to the hypothesis that the best defense might be offense.
i feel able to guess that you do not like subterfuge - or hate being
conned (sharing this with myself and most of humanity).
spunky says stay spunky
(you may wish to undistort "spunky=vocal" to become "spunky=messaging"
if you slack off sending messages, i will express my concern about my
cyber-sis
Ron Vetter 1936, '84 PD dz
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http://www.ridgecrest.ca.us/~rfvetter
