INSIDE LOOKING IN
Everybody likes Carol.
What's not to like? She's cute, but not too cute,
if you know what I mean. She has a great personality,
with a fun, slightly naughty sense of humor. She's bright,
vivacious, charming, enthusiastic and a heck of a chef (her
orange truffle brownies are to die for). She's the first
person you think of if you're planning a party or a service
project or a camping trip or a trip to the mall -- whatever
you're planning, you want Carol to be there because... well,
everybody likes Carol.
Everybody, that is, except Carol.
Those who know her -- or who think they do -- would be
stunned to hear that. She doesn't give any indication of
being emotionally needy. While she often makes self-deprecating
jokes, they seem to be genuinely good-natured jibes, not
desperate cries for help. And she's so unfailingly positive
about everything that's it's hard to imagine her being negative
about anything.
Least of all herself.
But she is, and has been for as long as she can remember.
She doesn't like the way she looks. Specifically, she doesn't
like her hair, her skin, her nose, her mouth, her eyes or -- especially
-- her figure. She doesn't like her voice. She
doesn't think she's very smart. She thinks she moves clumsily.
She doesn't think she has any talents. She doesn't even like
the way her orange truffle brownies taste.
Carol doesn't like anything about Carol.
Thankfully, she isn't self-destructive. She just isn't
very happy. And she lacks the confidence she needs to fully
realize her potential. Because the way she sees it, she doesn't
have any.
Interesting, isn't it? From the outside looking in, it
would appear that Carol has everything in the world going for
her. But from the inside looking in -- where it really counts
-- the whole world, the planets and the stars are aligned
against her. For some reason that is probably too complicated
for us to fully analyze here, she can't see what everyone who
knows her can see: that she is a person of diverse capabilities,
meaningful value and significant worth.
We all fall victim to that lack of inner vision from time
to time. We think that we are not good enough, or clever enough,
or attractive enough, or blessed enough. And while it's true
that there is always somebody faster, stronger, brighter,
wealthier or better looking, that doesn't mean that we lack
value. We all have strengths as well as weaknesses. They
may not be the strengths we would like to have, but we have
them. To deny that is to deny the handiwork of God, which is
precisely what we're doing if we focus on what we aren't or
don't have or can't do or won't ever accomplish. Such
negativity has a way of becoming self-fulfilling since it
rarely takes long to trudge the downward path from "I'm no
good at that" to "I'm no good at anything" to "I'm no good.Period."
And so we must find peace with ourselves within ourselves.
Not smug self-satisfaction, or arrogant pride and haughtiness.
Just peace. Contentment. Serenity. Happiness. We don't need
to believe that we're better than others, but we do need to
know that we're just as good. As the Duchess said to Alice
during her adventures in Wonderland:
"Never imagine yourself not to be otherwise than what it might
appear to others that what you were or might have been was not
otherwise than what you had been would have appeared to them
to be otherwise."
I'm not sure, but I think what the Duchess is saying is be
yourself. Accept yourself. Believe in yourself. Like yourself --
and your orange truffle brownies.
-- Joseph Walker
