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New Member Howard Collins My history is typical - 60 year old male, married to a lovely lady. Years spent, thinking I was coming apart, one fastener at a time, or was going completely mad one day at a time! Numerous Neurology Clinics, no help. Then came the day that a name was attached: Parkinsonism! Finally, a treatment regimen could be prescribed, and I could take my life off "hold." Research however, reflected that my symptoms were not classic. Why? What did it mean? Was something missing? My Neurologist, a personal friend, with tears in his eyes, explained that my diagnosis WAS different, i.e., not the Parkinsonism that we think of where we grow old and fade away, and unable to walk without help, but, with the Sportspage in our hand! No, mine was a special situation, he allows. A rare derelict form of Parkinsonism, but called CBDG + PSP! (CorticoBasal Ganglia Degeneration and Progressive Supranuclear Palsy.) Very impressive, I thought, until I found it meant that my disease was terminal. Within the next year or so, I would likely give up this body....The 20 or more years originally promised were suddenly gone; jerked away like a Magician's tablecloth, but with all the dishes crashing..... Many of you are probably dealing with something similar; I am not alone with this insidious thing. But, while my mind tells me that I am only one of many, my viscera's are silently screaming... I am (or was) an emotionally strong person, but now, loneliness is creeping in as are doubts of personal worth. Prozac and Sinimet have become addictive, nebulous 20 Mg conveyances to buy me another day....another week....I guard them jealously... Scared? No Uncertain? Yes There were those times when I fantasized about what I'd do if I knew when my demise was certain....well, it's here, but there is no pleasure. Irrespective of self-induced pity, though, I know that there are those of you who need help much more than I. So, perhaps I can be a good listener for those of you who may need to just "talk." My ears are still working !! ( ; ) Send me E-mail if I can help........ Very, Very Sincerely, Howard Collins [log in to unmask]