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Dear Listmembers: I don't know how to say this, I'm either crazy or dying or both. Where do I start to tell you of the voices real and imagined, knowing cutting back on your meds leads to living death. Plagued by gambling withdrawal, boredom yet apathetic, the feeeling something horrible is happening inside. I am going into hospital tomorrow, but i'm digging my heels in till I find out my exact healrh status. If dying within a month I don't want to spend that in hospital. The feeling I get is I've done something or thought to have done so horrible everyone is afraid to tell me cause I'm dying anyway, with one or more of: a bad heart(broken-corny eh), skin cancer that has spread to my muscles in my shoulders, a blood clot near the brain, a tumor? Whatever the board meetings, staff meetings, regular chit chat I keep hearing less than 30 days left for me.